Help! I Can’t Adult Anymore!

Happy almost end of April! If that’s a thing or can we make it a thing?

Here I go again falling into the slum of being MIA on this blog despite my best efforts. Did you have any new year resolutions? Time to check in, how’s it going? Have you fallen off so many times, but thankfully continue to find the strength to get back up or did you get so rooted in the fall that you can’t get up? One of my goals this year was to do better on this blog, to publish at least one article a month but as you can see, I’m struggling with the come up. March got away from me and April almost did too before I got the courage today – but not without consequences. Other projects were sacrificed in order to keep the goal this month before it dragged on too long.

I hope this year is at least panning out as you envisaged for some of you because my 2023 is not going good so far. Despite my best efforts and diligent plans, things are not just going my way. Adding to that, I don’t recall a time when I’ve been so completely exhausted and overwhelmed while not quite seeing any yields. Like how is it possible to be consistently busy, working, applying, studying but the gains aren’t materializing as hoped.

It’s almost become a millennial joke now that adulting is hard or it is a scam. It has never been more truer for me than this year, and at this point, I’m over it. I’m over being a grown up, I’m over being an adult with all the baggage that comes with it. Our parents are always quick to remind us how we couldn’t wait to grow up; trying on makeup at a tender age, playing house and fantasizing about independence. Funny thing is, that was never me. As if I’d sensed it, I quite took my time to be a child – to enjoy being a freeloader for as long as I could. If anything, I imagined being from a wealthier family so I’d not have to work so hard. As if. 🙂

I’ve been on the cusp of giving up a few times already – for clarity sake, not talking about suicide (although if you are experiencing such strong emotions, please seek help immediately. The suicide prevention hotline line is 988. Get the support you need). Giving up in the sense of being discouraged, not wanting to expend any more resources and energy for the fear of the same results and just being OK with the status-quo. These alternatives weren’t very appealing either, so it is that I wake up every day and repeat the same cycle of effort, trying new things and giving my best in the hope that it pays off.

If you are like me and have been struggling as well with seeing the results of your hard-work, I pray you don’t despair and keep at it. It’s always so easy to give up but when you think about all the work you have put in so far, giving up shouldn’t even be an option because restarting is always the biggest hurdle. Keep at it, chip at that goal one morsel at a time daily and it’s just a matter of time, the results won’t stay away for too long. Deep down, I feel we all know this. But it’s our very essence as humans to want the easy way out and give up. I hope for your sake and that precious goal, dream and hope that you don’t. Like the picture above, some things just take time. So give it time.

As always, thank you so much for reading. Please comment, like and share.

xoxo, Tiramisu!

Cracking The Code On New Year’s Resolutions.

You remember how every December we would write down a list of the resolutions we hoped to accomplish the following year? How we had a bucket list of things we wanted to get done before the end of the new year? Do you also remember how we would write that list and somehow conveniently lose it through the year? And kept telling ourselves since we wrote it, we must therefore know it by heart.

Then, we got to the era where resolutions were no longer cool. We all decried them at every chance we got and made excuses why they were never that great. Excuses like, they just put unnecessary pressure on oneself and no one follows through with them anyway. And just general doubt on the effectiveness of resolutions and whether they are good for us to begin with.

Well, research by the U.S News & World Report actually shows that 80% of people give up on their resolutions by February. 80% of people! That means almost everyone who made one is looking to quit right about now and leaving only the 20% to carry the rest of us to the finish line. I’ve been in this category year in year out before finally just giving up on making resolutions altogether.

Often times, my resolutions felt burdensome, limiting and restrictive. Every single year for the last 5 years, I’ve had loose weight as a resolution. But when it was time to put in the action to fulfill that resolution; going to the gym seemed like to much a task or sticking to a healthy diet too much work. And I found that I had the hardest time keeping up a resolution when I shared it with people – suddenly, I’d feel pressure to do this THING which should have been a good motivator but always ended up doing the opposite for me.

Recently, I got to wondering about the 20% who stick to their resolutions – like my Cameroonian mother would say “do these people have two heads?” (Almost every African child has heard this from their parent at some point). How come they can make resolutions in December, begin them in January and stay resolute through the end of the year?

Then I stumbled on this eye-opening research by Stockholm University which provided insight as to why a lot of us quit our resolutions and proffered a good suggestion which made a lot of sense. At least to me. The secret lies in how we phrase and go about our resolutions. Resolutions that are about quitting and avoiding things are less likely to reach final stages. We tend to feel stumped or overcome with fear to actually follow-through. Isn’t that ironic? That for example, you decide you’d quit alcohol in the new year and instead of doing that, you quit quitting alcohol.

Rather, phrasing such as ‘I’d like to drink less” is more likely to stay at the back of your mind and pop-up when the temptation arises, which would cause you to rethink your choice, thereby sticking to the goal. Goal! That’s the magic word. Another research showed calling them goals makes them more attainable. Unlike resolution which is this BIG thing we hope to accomplish by year end, goals on the other hand can be broken down into several chunks for completion at different points throughout the year.

People with goals are more structured, more intentional about what they do with their time and what they give their energy to. Because they know what they have to accomplish, everything falls into a timeline. That’s right! With goals, you can break down tasks into small achievable bits and as you complete each, you are motivated to stay the course and reach the end goal. One of the reasons I always struggled to stay current with my blog is because my resolution was always to write at least one article a week. Pfff, like who am I kidding? Even the most seasoned writers do not churn out content that frequently but for a few. So this year, I’m trying a new approach – 2 articles a month. That means I have two weeks to think about what to write on, read up on it if i have to, write and edit before posting.

The U.S News article provided 5 tips on how to stay the course of a goal – one of them being breaking goals into tiny bits which I already expounded on. I have found that motivating yourself and staying positive helps as well. We are all dealing with various insecurities on the daily but when you feel that self-doubt start to creep in, speak over it. Reaffirm to yourself that you are capable and you can do it. Finally, the one thing we all know but are afraid to do – CONSISTENCY. I struggle with this too, even though I know full well that to see long lasting results, a long lasting commitment is needed as well. And remember to be honest about your abilities and kind to yourself on the journey.

If you were at your threshold already, I hope I have convinced you however mildly to stick it out a little longer. Baby steps, literally. Here’s to hoping that, consistent baby steps everyday lead to bigger steps that yield desired fruits. Of course, it’s always easier said than done. Right? But I trust in us, WE CAN DO IT. WISH US LUCK. 🙂

2020 in Review

Happy New Year!!

2020…the year that WAS! We are now 27 days into the new year and while most of us feel hopeful, it feels like more of the same. I can’t think of any other time in memory when an entire year was collectively bad for everyone as 2020 was. The bad news just wouldn’t let up.

2020 welcomed us quite eerily in January with the death of Kobe Bryant whom no one could have guessed if asked to. Shocking to think that it’s been a year already since his unfortunate demise including others on that ill-fated flight. He had impacted not only the world of sports but millions of people around the world whom he inspired to dream and work hard to achieve. His death if only we knew, was a premonition of things to come in a year that was full of twist and turns of the worse kind imaginable.

Then we got launched into a pandemic that has and is still devastating so many lives – not only claiming loved ones but leaving so many homeless, jobless and driving millions into depression and suicide. As if the punch wasn’t hard enough, our national heroes and treasures died as well. Who knew Chadwick – The Black Panther would be gone in 2020? or John Lewis? And so many others.

I’ve always been an anxious person but the events of last year sent me into a near panic attack. The uncertainty brought on by the pandemic compounded by an election year like no other was nerve-wracking. Watching the news always filled me with a certain dread – if it wasn’t the politicians insulting each other in ads, it was the shootings on the rise and the fear of experiencing blatant racism for no reason.

Then, simply going grocery shopping seemed like a suicide mission – wearing a mask but still being afraid of the unknown. Each of us looking at the next person skeptically wondering if they are a carrier of the virus – knowingly or unknowingly.

Yet, here we are – 27 days into the new year and we are not better-off; if only slightly than we were last year. 2021 looks to be more of a continuation of 2020 with new variants of the virus discovered every week thus far. And the attempted siege at the capitol on January 6 may be a foreshadowing of what is to come.

But I’m hopeful for 2021 regardless. And although i didn’t make any new year resolutions this year (gave up on them a long time ago), I’m choosing to be positive. I’m usually a skeptic with vaccines as i know a lot of people are as well but I’m committed to do my part to eradicate this virus. I’m trusting that a lot of people will too and put us in a better place by fall this year.

I pray that with the activism of last year and beyond, that real change begins to happen in our communities where we are more sensitive to each other’s plight, more empathetic and kind to one another. That we will seek to add joy whenever we have a chance and embrace our differences in love.

I’m committed especially to find the happiness all around me and hope you are too. Because if there’s one thing this virus has taught us all, it is – that time indeed waits for no one. So let’s not wait to be happy – to buy our dream car or home, go on a vacation or get into a relationship to be happy. Happiness is all around us, we make happiness and we should choose to see and revel in it.

I wish us all a happier, healthier and kinder 2021. Hip Hip hip…