Tag Archives: interviews

Rejection SUCKS!!!!!!!!

One of my friends recently went for a job interview with very high hopes and expectations. It was his dream job and he had been preparing vigorously for the interview. He did countless research on interview questions and several practices on how to answer the questions. The week leading up to the interview, I  dreaded being around him because he would turn me into his “potential interviewer” and make me ask him all these questions. Anyways, sure you get my point, long story short, he went for the interview and delivered.

Two days later, he was told that they went with a better candidate and he was devastated. He needed this job dearly, did all the research he needed to and prepared himself in the best possible way that he could and still got a no. He became a recluse for a  few days and would not talk to anyone.

I let him have his moment and when we finally spoke, he sounded really distraught and annoyed that everyone was asking him to handle it better. After talking with him, I realized that it wasn’t the fact that he didn’t get the job that got to him really, it was the rejection. The feeling that he wasn’t good enough for the position and somebody else was, the feeling that he wasn’t important or worthy enough to be part of the company. That in my opinion is what got the best of him.

It got me thinking about the times  when things didn’t go my way or when I felt rejected. I remembered an incident, three years ago when I was fresh from a breakup and a guy I had been casual friends with asked me out. (I am beginning to think I am a pro at shutting things out of my brain, well, painful stuff).

Well, we did go on a date. It was a nice dinner at Olive garden and although it was packed (it was during a holiday season) it felt like it was just two of us in the restaurant. We had a good conversation, getting to know each other, our cultures (he was Mexican), likes and we had a good laugh. After dinner, we saw the movie Darknight and it was very romantic sitting there with him, cuddled up in the theater. He dropped me home after the movie and we had agreed on a second date in two days.

Two days came and went and he never texted or called. I called and texted him but got no reply. A few weeks later, I walked into his place of work hoping that seeing me there would jolt him talk to me, I wanted some form of explanation but nothing. He simply looked at me as if he had never seen me before. That hurt terribly, even more than the breakup I was just coming from.

I hoped that he would at least tell me why he didn’t want to see me anymore after having an amazing time together (maybe it was all in my head). I kept searching my brain for something I might have said or done without realizing that could have prompted that reaction from him, but nothing.

I had been rejected by a man I was beginning to like (this is becoming a norm, falling for the wrong people.Keeping my fingers crossed that I have learned my lesson this year) for a reason I wasn’t aware. I have been to several job interviews and didn’t get the jobs. I have applied for licenses, jobs, all which I didn’t get. These all felt like rejection. Even failing an exam after my best exam preparation has felt like a rejection.

Nobody wants to be rejected or feel rejected but yet all of us at some point in our lives have been rejected. Whether it be by that cute lady/man we have been crushing on, a job interview, friends or things plainly working against us, everybody hates been rejected. You would think that as many times as we have been through it already, that we already know the feeling and would therefore know how to handle it better but that is not the case.

The last time we are rejected always feels like the first time and even if the event could be far attached from us, it always feels personal. The disappointment and the hurt makes us start second guessing ourselves and wondering why they and not us. Some people allow it to affect them so much that their self esteem plunges after such events, some retreat into themselves and never come out of it and  others become bitter with society and everyone.

Like I said in my last article of 2014, one of the things I learned about myself in 2014 was how to deal with situations better and hopefully, I can help you deal with it better too. First off, it is totally alright to cry, wallow or even have your own pity party immediately following the rejection. You are human, and if you keep the emotions bottled up, it will only build up to explode at a probably inappropriate time. So by all means, cry yourself to stupor.

Second, examine what went wrong, if after careful examination you conclude that you couldn’t have done any better than you did, then it is time to cut your losses and move on; otherwise learn from mistakes you made and still move on. Next, if you have a support system, allow them to be there for you and not shut them out. Finally, recoup and accept that such is life, move on and embolden yourself to better opportunities. No one likes being rejected and nobody will ever get used to that feeling,despite everyone being rejected at least twice in their life.

Hope the year is great so far. Do share, when did you feel rejected and how did you handle it? Have a blessed rest of the week.

The Racist In Us All.

Disclaimer: I do not claim to have the facts, neither am I an insider. These are just my opinions and views.

Last Sunday, the world watched in awe how the rich fraternize, banter and enjoy each other in an exquisite environment much to the delight of the rest of us. We even watched them eat pizza in attempt to show that though surrounded by all the glitz and glamor, they are very much like us.

The beautiful gowns were on display, eye-catching jewelry with dapper and elegant suits, all of them, the envy of us all…the onlookers. I loved Ellen as the host, not that my opinion matters after-effects. It wasn’t just the designers who scored big that night, Lupita’s lip-gloss maker apparently did too. The lip-gloss she gave Ellen during the show in place of change for pizza, went flying off the shelves the next day. It was unfortunate that pizza guy’s pizza was a perishable item, if not, it would have been out of supply too. On the bright side, that pizza chain must be getting mad business (didn’t see the name) just for getting featured on such a huge platform.

Most of us must have gotten lost in that make-believe world with all its allure and enchantment, forgetting that even though the atmosphere looked very relaxed and laissez-faire, it is hard work that got each and every one of those stars in that room. This year as had been reported was one of the hardest to predict at the Oscars and it was because every one nominated performed exceptionally well and were deserving of their nomination.

But in the weeks leading up to the Oscars, Lupita Nyong’o had been all the buzz and even post-Oscars. If you were not watching her make an appearance on a TV show, then you were either seeing her grace the covers of numerous magazines or reading her up on countless blogs. She became quite the rave of the moment and deservedly so.

I am very very happy for her, that all her training at Yale School of Drama and her hard work is finally paying off; but it seems to me like the world is more focused on her skin complexion than her amazing talent. There has been more talk about her dark complexion than about the brilliant and heart-wrenching performance she delivered in 12 Years A Slave.

Hollywood seems to have found its new muse while the black community, especially ,Africans seem to have found a new face to represent them. It appears to me that she is being celebrated for the wrong reasons.

We live in America.Land of the free, where equality and liberty is for all and where opportunities abound for every body irrespective of skin color.And I like to believe that it is because of this that the casting director cast Lupita in the movie after seeing how talented she was. But I can’t help thinking that all the hype surrounding her has been mainly because and around her skin.

Lupita’s skin is flawless no doubt. Silky, smooth and spotless. It is very enticing and rich and a great part of me thinks Hollywood took so much to her because of it, because it is black gold which they can milk and mint money out of. No wonder the countless magazine covers and blog features. They are fully aware of this and are using her as a marketing tool to market their countless products.

I pray that is not the case but since it seems so, what does it say of Hollywood? We are not really done with slavery then are we? If the main reason why Hollywood espoused Lupita is because of her skin, then they have completely sold her short and her success has been built on a fallacy. Many people auditioned for that role, but you imagine what it would mean if or what is says if Lupita only got the role because she was the darkest of them all and not because she carried the weight that the part demanded?. That would mean, even though not in chains and depicting the story of a woman enduring pain from the hands of  her captor, Lupita has been indirectly dealt the same fate of the studios choosing her because she was dark enough.

And the designers and magazines? Same thing. I am sure they chose her because they feel their designs and clothes would stand out on a complexion like hers. You would see Lupita, but really, what you are focused on are the clothes. They are mining the gold that is her body to their benefits, much to the delusion of those who look to her as inspiration for success.

Blacks now feel a certain sense of credibility and pride because of her. They are in a silent war with who knows, trying as much as possible to claim her as their own and not “theirs”. They are the first to tell you that if she was as light as Beyonce or as brown as Gabrielle Union, she wouldn’t have gotten the role of her lifetime. The role that would catapult her to heights she might have never even dreamed of. She needed to have dark-skin to have been cast, thereby implying that her complexion might have been the only thing that worked in her favor, not her talent and hard work.

What does this say about us a people, as a human race?, who claim to have seen the light and are being fair to grant every body the opportunity to prove themselves and celebrate people for their tough grind. Isn’t it the racists in Hollywood then, the designers and magazines that chose Lupita not because of her ability but appearance? And isn’t it the racists in the blacks that rejoices and associates with her because they feel she is the real definition of ‘black’.

Since she came into the spotlight, there has been more debate and talk about what beauty really is, especially for the black community. It seems as though Lupita has set the new terms of beauty: dark skin. There are a myriad of skin complexions in the world and you would find more shades of that in the black race than any other race. The whites are just white. Plain and simple. White. That is it. Even those whom you can clearly see and recognize as tanners, are simply white. But when we see a black person, he is either fair/light, chocolate/brown, or dark/black and black people, often times are always the first to make the distinction. Sure there are bleachers too and just like the tanners, it is completely bad for you and could lead to cancer.

But what about those who don’t bleach? Those who are naturally light skin or brown? Where does the new definition of beauty that is Lupita-skin leave them? Aren’t they just as beautiful? Women have been attacking women and blacks have been attacking blacks for not being dark enough like Lupita and accusing the innocent ones of trying to deviate from Lupita-like-skin. Aren’t we all beautiful in our own way? Do we now define beauty in terms of what other people say it is?

We all have the racist bug in us every time we identify with someone else more for their skin color than their brains, when we offer people opportunities not because we believe in their true abilities but what their skin has to offer, when we revere and revel in someone’s success not because their unending toil finally paid off but because we feel their skin got them there, we are racist. We all are.

If we are going to continue to praise Lupita, let it be because her talent and work got her to that position and not because of her skin. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with inspiring a few girls who might need it if they are not confident in themselves. But let us not use her as a standard for beauty, because beauty comes in all shapes, sizes and colors. It doesn’t matter if you are brown, orange or black as long as you were born that way. You have to love yourself and accept yourself first before the rest of the world will, which she clearly seems to have.

To borrow Lupita’s mother’s words, you can’t eat beauty. You cannot reap the rewards of beauty but you will reap the rewards of hard work. She said a beautiful speech when she received her award and I end with her words, “no matter where you are from, your dreams are valid”. Your dreams are valid regardless of your skin color as long as you do the work.

The Racist In Us All.

Disclaimer: I do not claim to have the facts, neither am I an insider. These are just my opinions and views.

Last Sunday, the world watched in awe how the rich fraternize, banter and enjoy each other in an exquisite environment much to the delight of the rest of us. We even watched them eat pizza in attempt to show that though surrounded by all the glitz and glamor, they are very much like us.

The beautiful gowns were on display, eye-catching jewelry with dapper and elegant suits, all of them, the envy of us all…the onlookers. I loved Ellen as the host, not that my opinion matters after-effects. It wasn’t just the designers who scored big that night, Lupita’s lip-gloss maker apparently did too. The lip-gloss she gave Ellen during the show in place of change for pizza, went flying off the shelves the next day. It was unfortunate that pizza guy’s pizza was a perishable item, if not, it would have been out of supply too. On the bright side, that pizza chain must be getting mad business (didn’t see the name) just for getting featured on such a huge platform.

Most of us must have gotten lost in that make-believe world with all its allure and enchantment, forgetting that even though the atmosphere looked very relaxed and laissez-faire, it is hard work that got each and every one of those stars in that room. This year as had been reported was one of the hardest to predict at the Oscars and it was because every one nominated performed exceptionally well and were deserving of their nomination.

But in the weeks leading up to the Oscars, Lupita Nyong’o had been all the buzz and even post-Oscars. If you were not watching her make an appearance on a TV show, then you were either seeing her grace the covers of numerous magazines or reading her up on countless blogs. She became quite the rave of the moment and deservedly so.

I am very very happy for her, that all her training at Yale School of Drama and her hard work is finally paying off; but it seems to me like the world is more focused on her skin complexion than her amazing talent. There has been more talk about her dark complexion than about the brilliant and heart-wrenching performance she delivered in 12 Years A Slave.

Hollywood seems to have found its new muse while the black community, especially ,Africans seem to have found a new face to represent them. It appears to me that she is being celebrated for the wrong reasons.

We live in America.Land of the free, where equality and liberty is for all and where opportunities abound for every body irrespective of skin color.And I like to believe that it is because of this that the casting director cast Lupita in the movie after seeing how talented she was. But I can’t help thinking that all the hype surrounding her has been mainly because and around her skin.

Lupita’s skin is flawless no doubt. Silky, smooth and spotless. It is very enticing and rich and a great part of me thinks Hollywood took so much to her because of it, because it is black gold which they can milk and mint money out of. No wonder the countless magazine covers and blog features. They are fully aware of this and are using her as a marketing tool to market their countless products.

I pray that is not the case but since it seems so, what does it say of Hollywood? We are not really done with slavery then are we? If the main reason why Hollywood espoused Lupita is because of her skin, then they have completely sold her short and her success has been built on a fallacy. Many people auditioned for that role, but you imagine what it would mean if or what is says if Lupita only got the role because she was the darkest of them all and not because she carried the weight that the part demanded?. That would mean, even though not in chains and depicting the story of a woman enduring pain from the hands of  her captor, Lupita has been indirectly dealt the same fate of the studios choosing her because she was dark enough.

And the designers and magazines? Same thing. I am sure they chose her because they feel their designs and clothes would stand out on a complexion like hers. You would see Lupita, but really, what you are focused on are the clothes. They are mining the gold that is her body to their benefits, much to the delusion of those who look to her as inspiration for success.

Blacks now feel a certain sense of credibility and pride because of her. They are in a silent war with who knows, trying as much as possible to claim her as their own and not “theirs”. They are the first to tell you that if she was as light as Beyonce or as brown as Gabrielle Union, she wouldn’t have gotten the role of her lifetime. The role that would catapult her to heights she might have never even dreamed of. She needed to have dark-skin to have been cast, thereby implying that her complexion might have been the only thing that worked in her favor, not her talent and hard work.

What does this say about us a people, as a human race?, who claim to have seen the light and are being fair to grant every body the opportunity to prove themselves and celebrate people for their tough grind. Isn’t it the racists in Hollywood then, the designers and magazines that chose Lupita not because of her ability but appearance? And isn’t it the racists in the blacks that rejoices and associates with her because they feel she is the real definition of ‘black’.

Since she came into the spotlight, there has been more debate and talk about what beauty really is, especially for the black community. It seems as though Lupita has set the new terms of beauty: dark skin. There are a myriad of skin complexions in the world and you would find more shades of that in the black race than any other race. The whites are just white. Plain and simple. White. That is it. Even those whom you can clearly see and recognize as tanners, are simply white. But when we see a black person, he is either fair/light, chocolate/brown, or dark/black and black people, often times are always the first to make the distinction. Sure there are bleachers too and just like the tanners, it is completely bad for you and could lead to cancer.

But what about those who don’t bleach? Those who are naturally light skin or brown? Where does the new definition of beauty that is Lupita-skin leave them? Aren’t they just as beautiful? Women have been attacking women and blacks have been attacking blacks for not being dark enough like Lupita and accusing the innocent ones of trying to deviate from Lupita-like-skin. Aren’t we all beautiful in our own way? Do we now define beauty in terms of what other people say it is?

We all have the racist bug in us every time we identify with someone else more for their skin color than their brains, when we offer people opportunities not because we believe in their true abilities but what their skin has to offer, when we revere and revel in someone’s success not because their unending toil finally paid off but because we feel their skin got them there, we are racist. We all are.

If we are going to continue to praise Lupita, let it be because her talent and work got her to that position and not because of her skin. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with inspiring a few girls who might need it if they are not confident in themselves. But let us not use her as a standard for beauty, because beauty comes in all shapes, sizes and colors. It doesn’t matter if you are brown, orange or black as long as you were born that way. You have to love yourself and accept yourself first before the rest of the world will, which she clearly seems to have.

To borrow Lupita’s mother’s words, you can’t eat beauty. You cannot reap the rewards of beauty but you will reap the rewards of hard work. She said a beautiful speech when she received her award and I end with her words, “no matter where you are from, your dreams are valid”. Your dreams are valid regardless of your skin color as long as you do the work.