Tag Archives: motivation

‘Finding Me’

confused-face

I have read a good number of stories of successful people and how they came about their successes. More often than not, they stumbled on something, researched the topic and worked at it . For others ,they simply discovered their passion and zeroed in on it and for others it was just “finding themselves”.

This is the bane of this article. Recently, I have found myself wanting. Wanting more , to do more and to be more . I have been looking for myself and I must say this is one of the most tasking journey I have ever embarked on so far. How do you look for something that isn’t lost, for something that you might not find however hard you look? How do you stay
motivated to keep looking for the unknown ?

Success means differently to different people. My definition of success may not be similar to yours but I think we can all agree that the underlining factor to it is finding what speaks to your heart and doing it.

For a long time I thought it was writing, I taught myself the habit of reading books at a young age and somehow along the line, I fell into writing which led me to creating this blog. I’d admit that one of my moments of excitement still come after publishing an article. I love that feeling of seeing my work out there, because somehow I feel I am contributing however little to someone’s life who cared enough to read.

I had thought writing was my passion and a part of me still feels that way. If writing is the “thing” that I am looking for right now, then how did I loose it to begin with? Why and how did I get to losing it in the first place? I am constantly being bombarded by ideas for articles but for some reason I can’t bring myself to write. I recognize the potential within myself to be even better than I am now, but how is that supposed to happen if I don’t write often?

What if writing wasn’t really my passion and I forced myself into it ? Well,that’s what some of these successful people would tell you,to keep working at it ,which I did for a while until the well dried up (well of motivation to keep writing, not ideas) and had nothing more to give. If I establish that writing is not my passion, where does that leave me? Back to searching, and what would I be looking for exactly? How would I know when I find it that I have indeed found myself, my calling,the “thing” that has kept me restless this entire time. How do you know?

This is the one time in my life when I am not ashamed to say I envy my friends who have ‘found’ themselves and are thriving in it. I know one could suggest “well, what about my career switch? The epiphany? Wasn’t it what I was looking for?” To that I say, I am more than grateful to God for leading me on this new path. I am enjoying every bit of what I am taught so far and I cannot wait to translate that in the field.

I need something outside of my career though. Everyone says these days to have a ‘side hustle’. I have taught myself countless things so far. The beginning is always exciting and down the line, everything fizzles out. My understanding therefore of the “thing” is that which I dabble in, teach myself and the excitement would never leave me. I hope for my own sake that I find it soon because this could be an exhausting journey especially as the ‘thing’ is not so obvious.

Have you ever contemplated with this notion of ‘finding yourself’?. If so, what did you find and was it what you were expecting to find?

As always, thank you for stopping by.  I love you for it and have a peachy day.

No Inspiration

emoticons-sadFor days I would come here, peruse through this blog and reread past articles and other WordPress blogs. I always opened the blog with the intention to write, topics abounding in my head, so many exciting things I wanted to share with whoever cared to click on the story, but at last; I would stare at a blank page for minutes and sometimes hours without the words, no idea how to begin a sentence. Time after time after time. I did enjoy reading other blogs and discovering new writing styles. So I think it wasn’t all lost.

Is this what is meant by writer’s block? If it is, how long does it last because I have been suffering from this for months. I thought writer’s block was meant to last only one writing session not weeks and months. If it is indeed writer’s block, how do I resolve it having lasted this long. I miss writing and I have material to write about but I just don’t get the inspiration to put my thoughts to screen.

It got me wondering whether there was something else much bigger at play, like say depression? I know it seems a bit far fetched how a lack of inspiration would mean that I am depressed but I had recently lost interest in all my favorite TV shows too; and I have been eating so mindlessly lately. Everyone always becomes a doctor to self-diagnose their symptoms these days thanks in part to WebMD; so imagine my horror when I my fears where confirmed by the good internet doctor.

In all honesty, I haven’t been myself these last months and that is putting it lightly, but I also know I am not depressed because that is not a very good place to be and I refuse to go there. I generally feel lost most times and I know what I am supposed to be doing but I can’t bring myself to do it. Instead I focus on all the wrong things; my distraction is so alarming I don’t know what else to do. I feel like I am just surviving and not living my life, and it is annoying.

One of the unintentional habits of mine I had hoped to quit is stop quitting. I took a hard look at my life and I wasn’t happy with what I saw. Apart from my education,  I always start a project but never see it through;countless times I have stopped a project half way without reason or even without intent. If I had a penny for every project I unconsciously quit, I would have a hefty bank account. This bothers me because I am not a quitter, at least not intentionally.

So in hopes of holding myself accountable (another thing I have tried severally but failed), I got a planner today to write my intentions down. I learned this from my management class on Tuesday that to see anything through, you have to have a timeline of events and the only thing to help with that is planning ahead using a planner. I am barraged with ideas and things I would love to do everyday but I am scared I would start only to leave them half way.

As I have read, baby steps is the way to go, meaning small things first which is why I am very ecstatic about being able to write a full post today. I have read quite a bit about people feeling lost and finding themselves again. This is me trying to find myself again on WordPress. Most of my exciting moments I can remember where always when I wrote a full post and published it. I can’t wait to see how I feel after this.

If there’s anyone out there who feels this way, care to share how you got through it? Thank you again to my WordPress fam for always coming through even when you had no idea you did. To all the bloggers out there whose blogs kept me entertained, educated me and motivated me; blogs like Naked Christian, TantoVerde: Simple. Delicious. Vegetarian, Talking to My Weight Loss Counselor – God, Stories without Border and so many others, thank you. Thank you because you have no idea how many times you came through for a girl.

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Series: Rosalind.

NB: Dear reader, thank you for stopping by. As my about page says, I am an aspiring author. Trying to better my skills, so I hope you enjoy the new series I have begun titled Rosalind. I will try to update every week. I would love criticism/feedback on the story itself and how I am doing as a writer. Thank you again for stopping by.

ROSALIND.

She flipped unto her side on the tiny mattress topper which served as her bed and the motion was interrupted by the wall. She adjusted herself to allow her petite frame back unto the bed. She squeezed her eyes tight as if trying to glue them together. It was at times like these that she wished she was blind. Recently, she fancied the idea a lot and wouldn’t have minded trading places with one if she could.

Not that there was anything to see.This night was just like all the others, nothing new about it. She knew the corners of this room all too well, it had been her Bastille for….? She couldn’t remember. How long had she been in here? She might have as well lost her memory, because she wasn’t sure of anything anymore. What month was it? Oh wait, what year was it? She sighed. Disappointment washed over her. She tried to see the room in her mind’s eye.

The 1-inch mattress topper was lying in the right corner of the room, there was a tray of food next to it but she couldn’t remember what food it had been. Her clothes were sprawled all across the room and in the far left corner, there was a pink potty trainer. She gasped and tightened her eye muscles, there was really nothing to see in here but for smell and hearing.

The room had a stench to it, the air was a mixture of feces, pee and vomit. She had learned rather sooner to get use to it, so it didn’t bother her anymore. It was all hers. She slept in it and lived with it. It had soon brought her some unwanted guests that she wasn’t sure how to deal with – rodents. She called them her room-mates.Many a days she had found herself talking to them like they could actually hear her. Those were her good days.

She could hear the melodies drummed up by the different appliances through the house. The engines from the fridge and A/C unit were going at full speed forming a breezy noise. The doors were releasing crackling noises and the TV was at maximum volume. With all of that, she wondered why he still needed extra sources of noise when he came for her.

The lone window was completely sealed with aluminum foil so she couldn’t hear people outside. Or so she thought. She lived in abstract darkness. She imagined it be a beautiful night out; the sky would be clear, no signs of any clouds, the moon bearing down on earth like it was God’s night watch for it, the air crisp and the atmosphere alluring.

She imagined walking on the curb, alone or maybe with someone, chatting away, listening to the varied laughs and watching people go about their business. A faint smile curved the corner of her mouth.She stumbled on her own laughter,happiness. You have such a beautiful smile. She had heard that a lot but now wondered, if any one would see past the smile, when she forced one.

She jerked forward at an angle so high, her head hit the floor hard when she landed. She ignored the pain from the encounter but started trembling terribly, her hands and feet setting in motions that she couldn’t seem to stop nor control. It was that time. It was the hour.

You are ok. You are ok. You are ok.You are ok.

She started chanting to herself slowly. She could hear his footsteps, he was getting closer. Her heart was pounding against her chest, her chants were quicker now. Her limbs were oscillating faster, up and down the topper. She thought about commanding them to help her run, but decided against it. It was going to be a circular run in a square room. No, she wouldn’t try that, she would save her energy.

She heard the door handle turn and the door swung open, a gust of cold air enveloped her. The door slammed shut and the footsteps continued their journey, intent on their mission, then stopped. She heard thumps of breath above and felt a presence towering over her, her teeth started gritting.

“You stink” said the husky voice.

 

Day 2 & 3

Good morning WordPress Family.

Hope you are starting the mid-week OK. I am glad it is Wednesday and I can see Saturday already from the corner of my eye, can hardly wait. The weather in Atlanta yesterday was 6 degrees. It was brutal and I couldn’t wait for the day to be over. Today is going to be much better but I can’t wait to meet 65 degrees on Saturday.

Anyways, despite all that cold yesterday, I got the courage to get out of bed and did my ISANITY video workout. It wasn’t as unbearable like when I just started but I couldn’t stop thinking if I would make it the next day, to the next day and so on.

I had to pause and tell myself to stop over thinking it “Victoire, it is one day and one video at a time remember?”  Then I pushed myself to finish. I ended the day too  proud of myself because I was very conscious of what went in my mouth and I tried not to think about food too much. So my meal plan looked this

Breakfast: Fage Greek yogurt with soy protein

Lunch: Chick-Fil-A grilled chicken wrap with no dressing (I know, I shocked myself too when I didn’t use dressing and was pleasantly surprised that it tasted just as great)

Snacks: 1 medium banana, 1 cup low sodium/organic popcorn

Dinner: Falafel with spicy humus and salad, and a glass of wine.

I drank two cups of green tea too. One in the morning and one in the evening. I must have drunk 10+ cups of water.

I went to bed looking forward to today.

Woke up this morning with that same enthusiasm and did my workout. It was a different video today, short but hectic and I made it.I can already feel the effect of the Insanity workout. My  core feels firm already and though it is such a tiny detail, it gives me hope and motivation to continue.

I drank a lot of water so far and a blue berry smoothie with a cup of green tea. I don’t know yet what my meal plans are for the day but I pray to stay as disciplined as yesterday. Starting tonight though, I will start planning my meals in advance to avoid making bad meal choices because I am way to hungry to cook at the moment.

Well, I know almost all the country is experiencing this crazy weather and it may be severe in your area than mine, but please stay safe and warm. Are you on a weight loss journey too? How is it going?

Would also love to know how you are feeling today.

 

 

 

 

 

Day 2

I am in the second day of my body reformation. I woke up all swollen and my body felt like I was beaten up in my sleep. I didn’t think I had the strength for a workout this morning and I realized that I am in so much pain from the workout of yesterday. If I didn’t workout to nurture the pain, I was going to make it worst resuming.

The freezing cold this morning didn’t help either but I got the courage to get out of bed and got dressed. I did another INSANITY workout and before I could finish the workout this morning, I felt like I was going to pass out.

I think I started too strong because minutes after the workout I was very nauseated and weak. I didn’t let that get into my head because that is how I have been discouraged in the past. I just made a mental note that this is all very new to my body but if I keep to it, my body will get used to it and I will pretty much be able to work through all the videos non stop.

I drink a lot of water when I work out, so I have already had my three bottles this morning and a blueberry smoothie. I hope today is better than yesterday such that I have more vegetables in my meals.

I think I had a good day yesterday because I had quinoa salad with baked fish for lunch. I have never tried quinoa and I never thought I will ever eat it but I did and I was pleasantly suprised. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I had the Chick-Fil-A grilled chicken sandwich for dinner and it wasn’t bad either. I snacked on a serving of popcorn with green tea and called it a day. It was a success.

I am proud of myself this morning realizing that I am still on the course for my weight loss journey considering the sad news I got yesterday about my uncle. In the past, that was enough to sway me in the complete opposite direction of my goals. I was tempted a few times especially because I am such an emotional eater. But it was different yesterday. Each time I was tempted, I would hear a voice whispering ‘Victoire don’t do it’  and I walked away.

I miss my uncle and I am sad but I realize that I can mourn him without necessarily turning to food. I pray my will power gets stronger with each day and I am able to resist all such food temptations and stay on this course.

How did you wake up today? How do you feel today? Let’s be support systems for each other, please share your day with me.

peace & love.

The Depressing Effect of My Scale

It is day 2 into the new year and like every body, I am back in full swing with my work out and decision to lose weight. That means for me to know how much I want to lose, I need to know how much I weigh first.

I got on the scale before my workout and found out that I am at the heaviest weight I have ever been in my entire life, and that feeling sucked. I was aware that after not working out in such a long time, I had definitely gained all the 10 lbs I had managed to lose in a month and a half, but what I didn’t expect was that I would gain it all back and then some.

Immediately I saw that, panic set in and I started wondering how I will get past the first 10 lbs, then to the 60 and then my goal, the 100. I was overcome by all kinds of emotions. I fell to the floor and cried without tears. I asked myself how I got here again, past what my heaviest was in the past to this new record. I felt pity for myself, sorrow, shame and disappointment.

I have let myself down terribly. I thought to myself there is no way I will ever lose this weight. Where do I begin, how do I continue and will I ever get there?. I was almost giving up and then I told myself, it has been almost 2 and half months since I worked out consistently. I didn’t gain it all back overnight, so I would not lose it overnight.

I got up from that floor and went to the mirror. I lifted my shirt and looked at myself for good five minutes. My stomach is the biggest it has ever been and usually, people always complimented me for not having a big belly despite being big. But I looked and my belly wasn’t only big, it was beginning to fall.

So I grabbed my phone and took a couple of pictures. I got dressed and I started my INSANITY workout videos I have had for almost four months now. It was hard but I pushed myself and I finished the first one. I found myself already obsessing over the next few days and I had to tell myself to calm down.

I will take it one day at a time, one goal at a time and hopefully, it gets me to where I want to be By June at least. I just then decided to set small achievable goals first and then move from there. I will try to work out at least once a day following my INSANITY workout. Go for walks at least twice a week and try to lose at least 2 lbs a week. And to lose at least 10 lbs by end of this month.

I hope it is enough to keep me motivated and I hope I meet these tiny goals so I can progress to the next. My breakfast this morning  was a Kefir blueberry smoothie and I have already drank 3 bottles of water. I pray my head stays up and I keep the big picture in mind to motivate me to make better meal choices today.

My head stayed up today and though my meal choices weren’t great, they were better. For lunch, I had a chicken salad sandwich on wheat bread and I had wheat falafel with humus and some veggies for dinner. I drank a lot of water throughout the day and I had 2 apples for snacks. I just had a cup of green tea and I hope and pray tomorrow is better.

I woke up feeling depressed this morning after climbing on the scale and now, I am upbeat and motivated. I was positive all day till I got bad news but I am thankful it did not deter me. I hope it stay that way. How do you feel today? Any new year resolutions? Goodnight folks

Happy New Year