For days I would come here, peruse through this blog and reread past articles and other WordPress blogs. I always opened the blog with the intention to write, topics abounding in my head, so many exciting things I wanted to share with whoever cared to click on the story, but at last; I would stare at a blank page for minutes and sometimes hours without the words, no idea how to begin a sentence. Time after time after time. I did enjoy reading other blogs and discovering new writing styles. So I think it wasn’t all lost.
Is this what is meant by writer’s block? If it is, how long does it last because I have been suffering from this for months. I thought writer’s block was meant to last only one writing session not weeks and months. If it is indeed writer’s block, how do I resolve it having lasted this long. I miss writing and I have material to write about but I just don’t get the inspiration to put my thoughts to screen.
It got me wondering whether there was something else much bigger at play, like say depression? I know it seems a bit far fetched how a lack of inspiration would mean that I am depressed but I had recently lost interest in all my favorite TV shows too; and I have been eating so mindlessly lately. Everyone always becomes a doctor to self-diagnose their symptoms these days thanks in part to WebMD; so imagine my horror when I my fears where confirmed by the good internet doctor.
In all honesty, I haven’t been myself these last months and that is putting it lightly, but I also know I am not depressed because that is not a very good place to be and I refuse to go there. I generally feel lost most times and I know what I am supposed to be doing but I can’t bring myself to do it. Instead I focus on all the wrong things; my distraction is so alarming I don’t know what else to do. I feel like I am just surviving and not living my life, and it is annoying.
One of the unintentional habits of mine I had hoped to quit is stop quitting. I took a hard look at my life and I wasn’t happy with what I saw. Apart from my education, I always start a project but never see it through;countless times I have stopped a project half way without reason or even without intent. If I had a penny for every project I unconsciously quit, I would have a hefty bank account. This bothers me because I am not a quitter, at least not intentionally.
So in hopes of holding myself accountable (another thing I have tried severally but failed), I got a planner today to write my intentions down. I learned this from my management class on Tuesday that to see anything through, you have to have a timeline of events and the only thing to help with that is planning ahead using a planner. I am barraged with ideas and things I would love to do everyday but I am scared I would start only to leave them half way.
As I have read, baby steps is the way to go, meaning small things first which is why I am very ecstatic about being able to write a full post today. I have read quite a bit about people feeling lost and finding themselves again. This is me trying to find myself again on WordPress. Most of my exciting moments I can remember where always when I wrote a full post and published it. I can’t wait to see how I feel after this.
If there’s anyone out there who feels this way, care to share how you got through it? Thank you again to my WordPress fam for always coming through even when you had no idea you did. To all the bloggers out there whose blogs kept me entertained, educated me and motivated me; blogs like Naked Christian, TantoVerde: Simple. Delicious. Vegetarian, Talking to My Weight Loss Counselor – God, Stories without Border and so many others, thank you. Thank you because you have no idea how many times you came through for a girl.