Tag Archives: Shopping

My Invisible Body

I have tried to lose wait since I can remember. I am one of those people who never had a petite figure to begin with, but gradually I got bigger and bigger. I am also one of those born into those families with ‘fat’ genes (I totally do not blame my weight on that) but I know I have used it as an excuse sometimes.

I remember too while in high school, one of my friends always teased me or perhaps predict my future when she said if I didn’t watch myself, I would get bigger and I always told her, there was no way that was ever happening. According to me, as I told her, I was either going to lose weight or keep up my stature. I wish that were true.

Sometimes I feel like my weight snuck up on me. I look at myself in the mirror most times and I wonder when I got here and how I got here. Don’t get me wrong, I am foodie I admit it. I have always had a sweet tooth and my cravings seem to control me at other times that it felt like if I didn’t do anything about it in the moment, I will be impregnated by it. At the same time, I have always been an active person, I always made sure to work out. Now my workouts were not by Olympic standards by any stretch ,neither were they that of the most athletic people. But I tried to work out on the treadmill at least 30 minutes for at least three times a week.

My meals were not/ are not the most health conscious meals but I tried/try my very best and it is my snacks that just seem to mess up my whole efforts. I am not trying to justify my weight neither am I making excuses for not losing it. But every single time I think I am making a step in the right direction, something always messes it up.

I have been to places before where I either knowingly or unknowingly eves dropped on people’s conversations and I would hear about their weights and look at them and wonder ‘ wow, you weigh that little and look that big?” That is because for most of those that I have heard and seen, their weights don’t add up because in most cases, I weigh more than them but I look less heavier than them.

I am also very conscious of my body, so I always try to dress “decent” and not wear any thing that is unflattering to my figure, which always gets people to compliment me on how good I look. Not to sound vain, I am a very confident person myself and each time before I leave home, I look in the mirror and tell myself, ‘girl, you look smashing’.

So I was thinking about all these things two days ago and wondering if they have all made me invisible to my body. How is it that sometimes, I feel like the biggest person in the world which does affect my self-esteem and yet everybody keeps telling me how good I look. Is it that my body became a normal to me that it was now invisible to the point that even I didn’t see that I needed fixing?, in this case weight loss.?

Some people find pleasure sometimes in downing other people everyday not realizing the struggles that said people have to go through with everyday. My body is not invisible because I can’t see it. The compliments people give me are simply because I dress for my body type. But I am sure that like me, many overweight, big and obese people have let their bodies become invisible.

It is not that we don’t look in the mirror ,neither is it that we don’t see ourselves when we look in the mirror. It is simply that some of us have given up that hope that we would ever look like what we did in high school, some of us don’t have the courage enough to go on that journey and some, they have just chosen to not see that body.

Some of us like me, have chosen to not see that body not because it is not there, but because somehow it reminds us or tells us that we are failures. I was thinking just last week, how it is that most of the things I had decided I was going to do this year, I focused on them and did them. Unfortunately, my weight has been the one thing that I keep fighting with and for.

I have chosen to see this body now. With every bad meal choice, bad snack decision and failure to exercise I beat myself up because I am hoping that 2014 is the year when my body comes into full circle, when my body makes a 360 turn. This body is no longer invisible, this weight is no longer invisible, one step at the time and gradually, this body will come into full view.

How are you feeling today?. please share.

 

My Weightloss Journey

As I wrote in one of my earlier post today, I resolved to be focused and driven for the New Year and mine starts today.

 

One of the things I have always wanted to do three years in a row now has been to lose weight. I have read all kinds of books, articles on loosing weight. I have signed up for gym membership only to end up not using it and I have bought numerous workout videos only for them to stare back at me on my DVD shelf.

 

I remember telling myself severally that ” it’s the intention that counts” as they always say, but failed to realize that when it came to my body, a goal that was as personal and important to me as loosing weight, only the intention would not cut it. If it did, I should have melted right off the face of this earth since I would have shrunk to an invisible existence from such good intentions.

 

Only my actions towards those intentions weren’t enough. It didn’t suffice for me to just buy the workout DVDs without actually working out, it didn’t suffice me signing up for gym membership without actually going, it didn’t suffice buying and reading the many diet books, weight loss articles without actually doing it.

 

Several times I would start my day right, waking up and working out, having a healthy and weight-loss-focused breakfast only to mess it all up by afternoon or sometimes doing well in the afternoon only to mess it all up by evening.

 

With each mess up came defeat and lack of drive to continue the next day or to the next meal and I would just give up and have several days/weeks of no exercise, bad eating. I always wondered what I could do to end the cycle and in all the many books and articles that I read on loosing weight, no advice quite struck a chord like the one I read on Yahoo a few days ago.

 

It was a woman who succeeded to lose 100 lbs and said her motivation was that, there is always the next meal to correct her mistakes if she messed up because there will be mess ups. She didn’t beat herself too much about them but will accept the defeat and make amends by the next meal. Being focused on what she ate, accepting and fixing her mess ups helped her and gradually she had lesser and lesser mess ups and eventually lost all the weight.

 

So I am starting mine today, I pray to stay focused and not beat myself too much when I slip, to not deny myself anything because it will only push me to extremes later, to take everything in moderation and to exercise at least 30 minutes/four days a week for starters.

 

That said, today is my Day 1:

 

No workout today so far, woke up late but I hope I can squeeze it in later in the evening.

 

Breakfast, not good: had a Chick-Fil-A spicy chicken biscuit with coffee. taken it in stride and hope to have a better lunch and dinner.

 

As the saying goes, failing to plan is planning to fail, so I am going to plan my meals for the rest of the day and update later whether or not I kept to it.

 

lunch plan: subway six-inch turkey sandwich

 

dinner plan: spinach salad with baked breaded Panko fish

 

lets see how that goes and hope to drink lots of water.

 

Update: 11:45 PM

 

The day has ended and I did stick to my meal plans for both lunch and dinner, but dinner was a lot bigger because I guess I got radical too quick with lunch which left me hungrier by dinner.  I drank lots of water today too but I wasn’t able to get in a workout as I hoped because I worked late.

 

One of the advice that I have come across over and over while reading countless diet books, weight loss advice articles, etc is that it is always good to have a support network.Be it random people, family or friends who are either providing the support by sharing the journey with you or just there to urge you to keep going when you feel like giving up. So I am asking you to please join me on this journey, I will take any encouragement I can get and if you are sharing the journey,even better as it will be great to lean on each other.

 

So I am setting my alarm hoping to wake up and work out. I don’t have a meal plan yet, just hoping to stay health conscious with my meal picks tomorrow and chronicle it all here. I am still up late because I was here updating my site and now I find I am hungry. It is usually at times like this that I eat the most junk. So without further ado, I will leave you here and hope to join to here again tomorrow.

 

Peace, love, goodnightm