Tag Archives: Rejection

Communicating Assumptions

We are an ever busy society, constantly on the move and we never almost have time to meet with friends and family to have a decent time together, face to face. These days even phone calls that used to be the “in thing” have become so obsolete. You would think that with social media inventing all these forms of communication that now exist, that it would make it easier for people to communicate their feelings across but that is not the case.

One of my girlfriends got crossed with me two days ago because she came to my house to visit and I wasn’t home. I asked her “well, why would you come to my place without alerting me before hand?” and she said, since I had told her I had the day off on Martin Luther King day, she figured she should come visit. That sounded for lack of a better word foolish to me;why would you assume that because I have the day off, therefore I will automatically be at home? I like to think that typically, especially on this side of the world, a day off is when you catch up to all the other errands that suffer during the week when I can barely squeeze out time to do them.

This led to me remember one time when a close friend was mad when I said we were not dating. I had met him about three months prior through a mutual friend. We were introduced casually and we got talking. I liked his company and we shared  quite a lot of interest. I could tell from his gestures and things he would occasionally say that he wanted us to be more than friends but he never voiced his feelings.

So I recounted a story to him about my uncle asking why I was still single and he asked me in the most surprised and flabbergasted look I had seen in a long time if I was really single. I was then taken aback, wondering if he asked me out and we were dating, yet somehow, he was the only one privy to that information, to which he said, he thought we were dating. Assumptions Assumptions.

Why would anyone put themselves through that kind of emotional torture? Why would you be having a relationship with me in your head without telling me? Why can’t people just pick up the phone and communicate their thoughts to those whom it is directed towards? Why?

I have been there before when I had something to tell someone and it felt like the most daunting task I would ever take on. Not sure on the receiving parties reaction, uncertainty, fear of loosing the friendship/relationship, and just plain fear of rejection are usually some of the reasons that make it a burden to communicate those feelings .

I found that if you have difficult information to tell someone, it doesn’t matter how well you sugar coat it, if it is bad news/information, it is going to received as such regardless of your best efforts. For me, if it is that hard, I would always go ahead and send a detailed text message to convey those feelings across; that way, I am not completely facing the wrath of their reaction to my action.

We can get easily lost in this worldly system which is so fast paced and messages tend to be lost along the way and misconstrued and the single best way to fix that is the very old fashion way, TALK. Voice your opinion, make known your feelings and communicate your thoughts, otherwise, it is all in your head. Assumptions are dangerous, in these cases it was mild but I have seen people assume that others knew about information which could decide between life and death.

So if it is the fear of confrontation, rejection or whatever, go the easy route and send a detailed text message. The bottom line is, you have to talk, communicate to the other person and not assume because half of the time, it is never really what it seems.

Hope you are having a beautiful Wednesday. Thanks for stopping by always and do share, how are you feeling today?

Rejection SUCKS!!!!!!!!

One of my friends recently went for a job interview with very high hopes and expectations. It was his dream job and he had been preparing vigorously for the interview. He did countless research on interview questions and several practices on how to answer the questions. The week leading up to the interview, I  dreaded being around him because he would turn me into his “potential interviewer” and make me ask him all these questions. Anyways, sure you get my point, long story short, he went for the interview and delivered.

Two days later, he was told that they went with a better candidate and he was devastated. He needed this job dearly, did all the research he needed to and prepared himself in the best possible way that he could and still got a no. He became a recluse for a  few days and would not talk to anyone.

I let him have his moment and when we finally spoke, he sounded really distraught and annoyed that everyone was asking him to handle it better. After talking with him, I realized that it wasn’t the fact that he didn’t get the job that got to him really, it was the rejection. The feeling that he wasn’t good enough for the position and somebody else was, the feeling that he wasn’t important or worthy enough to be part of the company. That in my opinion is what got the best of him.

It got me thinking about the times  when things didn’t go my way or when I felt rejected. I remembered an incident, three years ago when I was fresh from a breakup and a guy I had been casual friends with asked me out. (I am beginning to think I am a pro at shutting things out of my brain, well, painful stuff).

Well, we did go on a date. It was a nice dinner at Olive garden and although it was packed (it was during a holiday season) it felt like it was just two of us in the restaurant. We had a good conversation, getting to know each other, our cultures (he was Mexican), likes and we had a good laugh. After dinner, we saw the movie Darknight and it was very romantic sitting there with him, cuddled up in the theater. He dropped me home after the movie and we had agreed on a second date in two days.

Two days came and went and he never texted or called. I called and texted him but got no reply. A few weeks later, I walked into his place of work hoping that seeing me there would jolt him talk to me, I wanted some form of explanation but nothing. He simply looked at me as if he had never seen me before. That hurt terribly, even more than the breakup I was just coming from.

I hoped that he would at least tell me why he didn’t want to see me anymore after having an amazing time together (maybe it was all in my head). I kept searching my brain for something I might have said or done without realizing that could have prompted that reaction from him, but nothing.

I had been rejected by a man I was beginning to like (this is becoming a norm, falling for the wrong people.Keeping my fingers crossed that I have learned my lesson this year) for a reason I wasn’t aware. I have been to several job interviews and didn’t get the jobs. I have applied for licenses, jobs, all which I didn’t get. These all felt like rejection. Even failing an exam after my best exam preparation has felt like a rejection.

Nobody wants to be rejected or feel rejected but yet all of us at some point in our lives have been rejected. Whether it be by that cute lady/man we have been crushing on, a job interview, friends or things plainly working against us, everybody hates been rejected. You would think that as many times as we have been through it already, that we already know the feeling and would therefore know how to handle it better but that is not the case.

The last time we are rejected always feels like the first time and even if the event could be far attached from us, it always feels personal. The disappointment and the hurt makes us start second guessing ourselves and wondering why they and not us. Some people allow it to affect them so much that their self esteem plunges after such events, some retreat into themselves and never come out of it and  others become bitter with society and everyone.

Like I said in my last article of 2014, one of the things I learned about myself in 2014 was how to deal with situations better and hopefully, I can help you deal with it better too. First off, it is totally alright to cry, wallow or even have your own pity party immediately following the rejection. You are human, and if you keep the emotions bottled up, it will only build up to explode at a probably inappropriate time. So by all means, cry yourself to stupor.

Second, examine what went wrong, if after careful examination you conclude that you couldn’t have done any better than you did, then it is time to cut your losses and move on; otherwise learn from mistakes you made and still move on. Next, if you have a support system, allow them to be there for you and not shut them out. Finally, recoup and accept that such is life, move on and embolden yourself to better opportunities. No one likes being rejected and nobody will ever get used to that feeling,despite everyone being rejected at least twice in their life.

Hope the year is great so far. Do share, when did you feel rejected and how did you handle it? Have a blessed rest of the week.

Reflections

We are three weeks away from 2014. I have had enough time in the last few days at any given opportunity to think about this year: its highs and lows, successes and failures, achievements and under achievements, and especially the resolutions that i had set at the beginning of 2013 that i now realize did not materialize.

If there is anything i had hoped for and prayed for most to have this year, it was focus and drive but examining the days past, i realize it eluded me as usual. I knew that setting numerous resolutions as i always did in the past from loosing weight, to finishing a writing project, to traveling and exploring more would not have come to pass, so instead, i resolved to be more focused and driven.

Focus and drive because i knew that if i had those two, i would somehow be able to achieve anything i put my mind to, but i think i just didn’t have enough of it. Sometimes i was more focused and driven than at other times and with particular objectives. I wish it had translated to all of my projects but i know that 2014, a new year, is always a time, a second chance to do it better and well.

So i decided this morning i am not going to wait for January 1st of 2014 to resolve to be focused and driven and i begin today. Starting with my writing which is why i resumed today. I have made countless excuses as to why i have not written since my first post, saying i was busy with school. But somehow, i found time to watch movies, shop and visit friends but couldn’t find the time to do what i am passionate about which is writing.

I also know why i was reluctant to write, which is the fear of rejection. If there is any lesson i have learned in this year, is that people will always criticize even when they don’t know why they are criticizing. That i will not and cannot make every body happy all of the time. That no matter the criticism and rejection, as long as i am confident with what i put out and in myself, i will be just fine and to not reject all criticism because some are actually my learning tools.

So with all of these lessons, i set out today to make this my official first post, promising myself to be focused and driven to write at least one post a day, even if it is just a word. To focus on my writing this year and do a lot more reading than i have in the past, to read one new book every month starting from now and to finally loose the weight.

To keep myself motivated and focused, i have decided to chronicle my weight loss journey here,my workouts if i do, what i eat through the day with the hope that it keeps me accountable to myself and inspires me to go further.

I cannot sit by waiting for January which is three weeks away to effect changes in my life when i could start right now. I hope you who stumbled upon this post can realize like me that three weeks is too much time to waste and get on with whatever it is you resolve to do next year and start now.

To move forward in life no matter what area it is, we have to accept and come to terms with our failures, examine why we failed, accept it as a learning experience, seek the solution and act on it. I will not lie to you that i am not disappointed sometimes or even mad when i reflect on the past, but that is just what it is, the past. I have accepted and i am looking to move forward.

So my new year begins today December 11th when i had the wake up call and made the decision to act on it. I have so many goals for this new year and hope to accomplish them but my resolve remains the same as last year’s ; i resolve to be more focused and driven because with these, i can accomplish those goals.

Forgive me for jumping the gun because while i celebrate Christmas and wish you a marvelous one with family and friends, i would like to wish you a Happy New Year first, that way your Christmas would be extraordinary.

peace,love…..