Tag Archives: social media

For The Shame of Living

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Have you found yourself wanting something so badly yet not going after it just because? Or you want to try something new but there’s that small voice asking you “what will people think?”. Better still, you find yourself shying away from the very things you love doing or things that make you happy for no reason? Well, it’s not just because or for no reason, you just might have not identified it yet but it’s called SHAME.

This dawned on me a few days ago. Like I have documented here severally, my weight has always been a sore spot long before I started sharing the struggles from behind a screen. I have tried, failed and continue trying to lose the weight (which I hope it’s a battle where I’d come out swinging) but it never really stopped me from living my life. Or so I thought.

I had never been the paparazzi-picture-loving-kinda-girl from a young age but I was never coy of them either. Until 2 years ago when I stopped taking pictures unwittingly, and when I did, I never posted them to any social site. I had consciously decided to work on losing weight but not on hiding myself through the process until a few weeks ago when I posted my first pictures in 2 years. Only to realize a few days later that shame played a role.

Subconsciously, a tiny voice decided that I was too big to share pictures of myself, what would my friends say when they saw me? what would my parents think? I had let everyone down, not myself but everyone else. This attitude had seeped into my writing sometimes because coming from the cultural background that I do, writers are lazy people and they are broke. I debated for a long time whether or not to share my articles on my social media handles. If I thought the topic was controversial for my followers who are mostly of the same cultural heritage like myself, I didn’t share it and vice versa.

Whether I intentionally thought these through or not, they were affecting my life. I stopped living and went on making any and every excuse possible, most times school was the culprit. Having graduated now, I can’t use that as an excuse anymore. In a few months I would be 30 years old and I want to get there living my life unashamedly.

If you find yourself in the same spot as me, then just like me, you should know it is never too late and get ready to start living your best life. I am an advocate of “live and let live” and I pride myself a pretty open-minded gal for an African, precisely Cameroonian. And at almost 30, I have better things to worry about than what people think of me especially when their opinions are insignificant. My happiness is important and part of it is doing what I love regardless of acceptance, of differing opinions or dissenting views.

We are all clay in the Potter’s hands, that means we are still being molded. I hear it all the time but it never clicked for me until last month – to leave intentionally. For me it means not just coasting along anymore, stop going through the motions and think through all my actions. Part of that is living my truth; while I work on my weight, the reality is this is me right now. This is who is in-front of me and I have to love her before anybody else would, show her off and treat her to moments that make her feel cherished, loved and appreciated. This body too is the temple of God, it is a work in progress and I have no idea when the maker would be done with it.

Stop the shame of living your truth, of being in the way of your own happiness and caring so much what people would say. Live intentionally in the moment and trust the master sculptor to perfect what is good and right in your life. As I wait for Him to finish this master piece, I would be enjoying every moment given me – intentionally. Have a wonderful weekend Lovelies.

‘Hater’ Alert!!!

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How many times a day do you hear or read the word ‘hater’ either on social media or regular conversation? How often do you read it in FB statuses or comments on blogs/articles? Or are you one of those who easily gravitate to that word in defense of your opinions or in response to someone else’ opinion?

Well, regardless of your usage of the word; if you are a social media practitioner, then you have probably come to accept the term ‘hater’ as part of normal day-to-day discourse. Although there are scenarios in which usage of the word is appropriate,  often times those scenarios are few and far between.

The world over has become a village of overtly sensitive people; many people have become passive consumers that they no longer try to think for themselves or even aim to stand out from the crowd. It seems to be expected of us to not only dress-alike, eat the same things or even do the same mundane things. Heaven forbids that anyone steps out of this ‘norm’ and they are immediately tagged a ‘hater’.

I am always puzzled when I peruse through FB and read the countless statuses addressing haters, wondering how said poster knew of their haters if they themselves where not hating in return. I fail to see a ‘hater’ just because someone gave you constructive criticism or when they either reason differently from you or live opposing lives to yours.

Now, you have people who use it as a defense mechanism for poor choices, those who  use it as an excuse to be lazy and yet, others who use it as a shield to avoid criticism. The word has been so over-used that it is loosing its meaning. It would soon be on the same list as cursed words, that is if it is not already there.

We have become an abhorrently politically correct culture that anyone who dares to be different or to have a contrasting view on  the subject being discussed is easily branded a ‘hater’.  This view is very simplistic at best and ignorant at worst because people are always going to have diverse views and ideologies.

Dictionary.com defines a ‘hater’ as someone who has an intense dislike for another person or thing. Intense dislike is a very strong emotion, think about it. Not everyone who doesn’t agree with you or who lives differently from you is out to get you or feels that strongly about you especially when they don’t know you in person.

The beauty of our world is in our differences in opinions and individuality. I guess I am beckoning to your inner being then; to not care too much about what people would think but ‘do you’, be more open to others’ views, don’t be quick to dismiss criticism for it could hold a lesson, and be more accommodating to others’ choices too.

And if you don’t agree with this article, then you are just a ‘hater’. (pun intended).

Communicating Assumptions

We are an ever busy society, constantly on the move and we never almost have time to meet with friends and family to have a decent time together, face to face. These days even phone calls that used to be the “in thing” have become so obsolete. You would think that with social media inventing all these forms of communication that now exist, that it would make it easier for people to communicate their feelings across but that is not the case.

One of my girlfriends got crossed with me two days ago because she came to my house to visit and I wasn’t home. I asked her “well, why would you come to my place without alerting me before hand?” and she said, since I had told her I had the day off on Martin Luther King day, she figured she should come visit. That sounded for lack of a better word foolish to me;why would you assume that because I have the day off, therefore I will automatically be at home? I like to think that typically, especially on this side of the world, a day off is when you catch up to all the other errands that suffer during the week when I can barely squeeze out time to do them.

This led to me remember one time when a close friend was mad when I said we were not dating. I had met him about three months prior through a mutual friend. We were introduced casually and we got talking. I liked his company and we shared  quite a lot of interest. I could tell from his gestures and things he would occasionally say that he wanted us to be more than friends but he never voiced his feelings.

So I recounted a story to him about my uncle asking why I was still single and he asked me in the most surprised and flabbergasted look I had seen in a long time if I was really single. I was then taken aback, wondering if he asked me out and we were dating, yet somehow, he was the only one privy to that information, to which he said, he thought we were dating. Assumptions Assumptions.

Why would anyone put themselves through that kind of emotional torture? Why would you be having a relationship with me in your head without telling me? Why can’t people just pick up the phone and communicate their thoughts to those whom it is directed towards? Why?

I have been there before when I had something to tell someone and it felt like the most daunting task I would ever take on. Not sure on the receiving parties reaction, uncertainty, fear of loosing the friendship/relationship, and just plain fear of rejection are usually some of the reasons that make it a burden to communicate those feelings .

I found that if you have difficult information to tell someone, it doesn’t matter how well you sugar coat it, if it is bad news/information, it is going to received as such regardless of your best efforts. For me, if it is that hard, I would always go ahead and send a detailed text message to convey those feelings across; that way, I am not completely facing the wrath of their reaction to my action.

We can get easily lost in this worldly system which is so fast paced and messages tend to be lost along the way and misconstrued and the single best way to fix that is the very old fashion way, TALK. Voice your opinion, make known your feelings and communicate your thoughts, otherwise, it is all in your head. Assumptions are dangerous, in these cases it was mild but I have seen people assume that others knew about information which could decide between life and death.

So if it is the fear of confrontation, rejection or whatever, go the easy route and send a detailed text message. The bottom line is, you have to talk, communicate to the other person and not assume because half of the time, it is never really what it seems.

Hope you are having a beautiful Wednesday. Thanks for stopping by always and do share, how are you feeling today?