Tag Archives: challenges

‘Finding Me’

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I have read a good number of stories of successful people and how they came about their successes. More often than not, they stumbled on something, researched the topic and worked at it . For others ,they simply discovered their passion and zeroed in on it and for others it was just “finding themselves”.

This is the bane of this article. Recently, I have found myself wanting. Wanting more , to do more and to be more . I have been looking for myself and I must say this is one of the most tasking journey I have ever embarked on so far. How do you look for something that isn’t lost, for something that you might not find however hard you look? How do you stay
motivated to keep looking for the unknown ?

Success means differently to different people. My definition of success may not be similar to yours but I think we can all agree that the underlining factor to it is finding what speaks to your heart and doing it.

For a long time I thought it was writing, I taught myself the habit of reading books at a young age and somehow along the line, I fell into writing which led me to creating this blog. I’d admit that one of my moments of excitement still come after publishing an article. I love that feeling of seeing my work out there, because somehow I feel I am contributing however little to someone’s life who cared enough to read.

I had thought writing was my passion and a part of me still feels that way. If writing is the “thing” that I am looking for right now, then how did I loose it to begin with? Why and how did I get to losing it in the first place? I am constantly being bombarded by ideas for articles but for some reason I can’t bring myself to write. I recognize the potential within myself to be even better than I am now, but how is that supposed to happen if I don’t write often?

What if writing wasn’t really my passion and I forced myself into it ? Well,that’s what some of these successful people would tell you,to keep working at it ,which I did for a while until the well dried up (well of motivation to keep writing, not ideas) and had nothing more to give. If I establish that writing is not my passion, where does that leave me? Back to searching, and what would I be looking for exactly? How would I know when I find it that I have indeed found myself, my calling,the “thing” that has kept me restless this entire time. How do you know?

This is the one time in my life when I am not ashamed to say I envy my friends who have ‘found’ themselves and are thriving in it. I know one could suggest “well, what about my career switch? The epiphany? Wasn’t it what I was looking for?” To that I say, I am more than grateful to God for leading me on this new path. I am enjoying every bit of what I am taught so far and I cannot wait to translate that in the field.

I need something outside of my career though. Everyone says these days to have a ‘side hustle’. I have taught myself countless things so far. The beginning is always exciting and down the line, everything fizzles out. My understanding therefore of the “thing” is that which I dabble in, teach myself and the excitement would never leave me. I hope for my own sake that I find it soon because this could be an exhausting journey especially as the ‘thing’ is not so obvious.

Have you ever contemplated with this notion of ‘finding yourself’?. If so, what did you find and was it what you were expecting to find?

As always, thank you for stopping by.  I love you for it and have a peachy day.

Community Parenting

Recently, my girlfriend and I went to a tavern on a weekend night to catch up over wings, drinks and some good ol’ gossip. Being a weekend night, you can imagine how crowded it was and true to a tavern atmosphere, there was mellow music playing in the background and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Out of the blues, two kids were bellowing down the aisles in boisterous excitement,they caught every diners attention and unanimously, we all turned in an unrehearsed fashion searching the tavern for their parents. People were whispering to each other, obviously, everyone wondering why their parents would let their kids loose in a restaurant. Some minutes passed before intertwined voices tried calling them back to their sits; all eyes turned in their direction,which probably intimidated them, causing them to retreat.

My friend, who by the way is a mother was visibly upset and offended; she wondered aloud why parents would bring their kids out and allow them to run loose with no discipline. It got us talking about the different scenarios when parents fail to discipline their kids or call them to order.

There have been so many reports about rowdy kids on airlines or kids whose parents plainly were paying them no attention. More recently was the story of the lady who traveled with her disabled kid and cried foul from the airline by generating a  thread on instagram/twitter to rally support for “undeserving treatment” to her disabled daughter. When the story broke, it turned out she and her husband were flying business class while their four kids including her disabled daughter were flying economic class. After reading that, I was baffled why a mother would willingly and intentionally separate her disabled daughter from herself on a flight. Was she expecting fellow passengers to take pity on her daughter and help her when the need arose?

These days, it feels like there are unattended kids everywhere and their parents are no where in sight; be it at church, restaurants and so on, putting people like us without kids in a tough spot. Many a times I have found myself in awkward situations with disorderly kids but torn on what to do. On the one hand, if I reprimanded them, the parent might get angry and call me names of which my favorites is the “wait until you have your own kids” jab and on the other,if you don’t, your space is infringed on and you can’t enjoy your time out.

My sister who is a mother, was appalled when a kid wouldn’t stop screaming in church one Sunday, I found it strange that was coming from her because she is mother and we were there with my nephew. When I asked her why she felt so and if she forgot she had a kid, she answered me ” just because I have a child doesn’t mean I should inconvenience other people”. That was exhilarating to hear her say that.

I understand that not every one can afford a nanny but in such cases, you should be your child’s sole disciplinarian and teach them how to act in public, especially in spaces where people particularly come out to enjoy themselves and have a good time. To those who would always make the excuse of  “wait until you are mother” or “that is because you are not parent” , well, have you considered if said person might have made a personal choice not to have kids and reserve the right to enjoy that decision without being made to feel less like a person or as though their lives lack meaning? Or have you considered that they in fact might have kids but chose not to inconvenience others?

All I am saying is, people should be considerate of others and attend to their kids when they are out in public. You wouldn’t want some random person meeting out unacceptable discipline on your child, neither would want people looking at you like you deserve the worst parent of the year award. Groom your kids and teach them from home, when they are still very young; they get the message easier and better and makes it easy for you to be out with them in public.

And before anyone calls me out, I am a nanny and I am surrounded by kids all around me; nephews, nieces and God-children. I might not have any kids now but I sure know a thing or two about attending to kids. Kids are very manipulative and they would do as they please if they know you would let them get away with it. Please pay attention to your kids, if not  even to curb their rowdiness in public, then for their safety. Surely, you didn’t birth a child so the rest of the community would raise them for you, did you?

Thank God it’s Friday!. Hope you are having a good one and do share your views on the topic.

Finding Myself In 2014!

2014 ends in two days, ushering in 2015. In the last weeks leading up to the new year I have been doing a lot of reflections. Sometimes consciously and other times randomly. It wasn’t so much of a great year for me as I had hoped. So many challenges I faced and so many new things I discovered about myself this year.

Just two days ago, I was having a slumber party with a girlfriend and we got talking about men and relationships and I realized, I am totally okay being alone. After my breakup in January of this year, I got the chance to go on a few dates and meet different men, but not once did I feel the pressure to say yes to their proposal of a relationship. It took 2014 to make me understand the reason why I got into a relationship that almost ruined me a few years back was because of pressure, the need to belong.

I had been going through a dark time that year especially and nothing seemed to work in my favor. Every where around me, my friends were all happy and achieving great things and meeting amazing men and I literally had nothing going for me. I felt like a failure, which pushed me to get into a relationship with someone I knew from the beginning wasn’t right for me but did it anyways because I was desperate to show people that I was capable of getting a man too.

This year though I discovered a whole new me in that regard. I had two friends get engage this year, one got married and two had babies, all happy events and from the bottom of my heart, I was and I am happy for my friends. But I did not feel the pressure of trying to get with the next man as if I had something to prove. It felt good to go on a date without the expectations of it turning into something more.

I have always been an introvert, never liked parties or being in huge crowds but I was made to feel as though something was wrong with me for being the way I am. It is not that I don’t like people’s company, It is that I like my own space and I am more of a one-on-one social person instead of the crowds. So this year, I discovered nothing is wrong with me and just as it is normal for people to enjoy being in crowds, it is as much normal for me to enjoy my own space.

I discovered that it is completely okay for me to say how I feel and I am especially thankful to WordPress for helping me find my voice. When I started this blog, I knew what I wanted it to be about, to share my challenges and experiences and hope to encourage someone or be in turn encouraged, but I was afraid. What if nobody even bothered to read, what if people criticized me instead or didn’t accept my views? But I realized that not every one has to like me, not every one has to accept my views and yet, I am totally and completely allowed to have those views, to have a voice, to say what I feel whether or not anybody reads.

I discovered that sometimes, you just need to go with the flow and not plan every detail because half of the time, it never works out the way we intend to. All the resolutions that I had for 2014 practically never materialized, not one. So for 2015, I have nothing. No resolution. Except to live, take it one day at time and embrace the changes if any as they come. So much I want to do but no plans or resolutions, I am going to live them and do them as God gives me life.

I discovered that despite my best efforts, things would always go wrong. The financial challenges this year were enormous. Twice I was close to being homeless and I am still bordering on the gate right now and this is despite my best financial responsibilities. I am not one to misuse money or spend frivolously and I always budget my funds, somehow, it is never enough. I have learned to deal with the uncertainty better. Before I would be freaking out and be near a panic or anxiety attack but now, I take a deep breath and calm myself down, because a solution I found only comes when I have a clear mind.

This year I discovered the power of God and that despite my good plans, His plans are always better. There is this game the devil always plays, at least I know he does with me. When he knows that I need something badly from God and I don’t get it, he plays this trick with my mind like “maybe he is not listening to me or he doesn’t think I deserve what asked for”. Soon after, I would feel beaten down, defeated and a looser. Thanks to my mother, now I know better that when a prayer goes unanswered, it is not because God is ignoring me or He thinks I don’t deserve it. He gives one of three answers always , yes – when He approves of my want, wait – when the timing for my want is not right or no – when he has something better, a better plan for me.

By many standards, whoever is judging, this year would be termed a failure for me but I take it in stride with gratefulness to God for having allowed me to see this year and hopefully the next. I may have not achieved half of the things I hoped for but I guess that’s the reason why the saying “where there is hope there is life” exist. If I were to attempt at a resolution this year, then it would be to “live my best life” as Oprah would say it. To grab every opportunity which comes my way, to look at the bigger picture always while savoring the moment I am given, to be a better version of me this time next year, to be a better daughter, sister, friend, and especially a better CHRISTIAN.

Do you care to share your reflections about the year? What did you discover about yourself? What are you grateful for?

Happy New Year to all and see you in 2015.

Update On The Journey

Good evening my lovely and wonderful WordPress family.

Wow.

It feels like I have been away for a long time when it has actually been just a week. Well, school started on Monday and the drill started all over again with full throttle. My days are so so crazy and Tuesdays would be my worst this semester.

My Tuesday this week started at 4 AM. I had to wake up that early because I wanted to get my work out in before starting the day. So I woke up at 4 am, worked out, put a few things together, went to school and by 1:30 PM I was going to work. I almost didn’t have time for lunch and I only got off work at 7 PM. As exhausted as I was, I am not sure what else I was doing but I didn’t go to sleep until 11 PM. Crazy day and that is how my Tuesdays are going to be because I have an early class, – a lab which starts at 7 AM.

By the end of Tuesday, I was telling myself, if every day were like Tuesday, I would lose this weight whether I liked it or not because it was pretty exhausting. I had to remind myself to eat and to drink water and make good choices.

Pondering on Tuesday and the week so far left me thankful for the little victories already. Coming off the weekend into the new week, I messed up a little.My mistake was having Chinese food and a small Dairy Queen Blizzard. Usually, I would have had the fried rice and lo mein with orange chicken, and a medium or large blizzard but instead, I had the lo mein with steamed veggies and bourbon chicken.Also, I went for the small blizzard instead of the medium or large. I was disappointed by the time I was going to bed Sunday but I tried to not beat myself too much about it because after all, like in the past, it could be worse.

So Monday was a good day and last week I downloaded the ‘My Fitness’ app so I can keep track of what goes in my mouth. I had it before a while ago and deleted it because I didn’t pay much attention to it or when I did put in my meals for the day, I left out the ‘bad choices’. This time, I record every thing so that it keeps me accountable for the times that I mess up.

I was particularly proud of myself yesterday when for whatever reason, my alarm didn’t go off and I woke up a little late and felt that I didn’t have enough time to squeeze exercise in. I was already making all kinds of excuses in my head and I realized the ‘two voices’ battle that was going on in my head.

One was telling me if I got up at that time to do the work out, I would be running late for school and to every thing all day and the other was telling me to remember how I feel after exercise and that I still had enough time. I didn’t even know what voice won until I found myself all dressed and doing the INSANITY for yesterday. I was very happy with myself because not only did I do the exercise, I wasn’t late and I proved my other self that I could do it after all.

All week till now has been great. I find that I am more conscious with my choices and I have not given up on the workouts yet.I like to do the workouts in the morning because I find that I am more energetic in the morning and the workout somehow always leaves me with a positive outlook for the rest of the day.Also, probability that I exercise in the evening is always slim to none as I always find myself entangled in one million projects.

I am happy with the tiny results so far. I got on the scale yesterday and so far, I have lost 3.5 lbs. Like I said in a previous post, my mid-section feels firmer and I feel it going inside. It is still there when I look in the mirror but I can already see the difference and every time I eat a salad, it is a victory for me. Between school, work, other things in between and maintaining a blog, things can get overwhelming pretty quickly and that is why I take time to enjoy the little victories because it keeps me motivated to stay on the course and expect the bigger results.

Today was another good day even though it didn’t begin with workout as usual. My alarm is misbehaving lately. Somehow, it didn’t ring this morning either and I woke up so late. I was going to exercise this evening but was caught up with a lot of work. I almost gave up on it when I found myself on my room floor doing multiple reps of push-ups, squats, leg raises, and abs. I am not sure how long I did it for but breaking a sweat is always a refreshing feeling. I am actually feeling sore.

Anyways, Sorry for the long write-up tonight and I hope you have stayed on course too, whatever your journey is. It is not easy. It never is but one step at a time, gradually, we can do it. Well, I wish you all a lovely weekend ahead and hope I can find time for at least one more post before the start of the new week.

Thank you to all those who stop by here, I so appreciate your visits and for the comments, thank you for taking the time to encourage me with your words because I take them seriously. Have a wonderful night   morning.

Would sure love to hear your stories too, any updates? How is your journey going so far? Whatever your journey is. Please share how you are feeling today.

If the sky is the limit, why am I still on the ground?

I am sure each one of us has heard this phrase before “the sky is your limit”. Recently, it has been replaced with a modified version which is “the sky is your starting point”. Usually, you would hear this when someone is trying to encourage you to continue on that path or motivate to start on a path.

We all have our unique experiences and difficulties in life. These experiences and difficulties shape our lives and in some cases either sets us on a path, prevents us from a path or encourages us on an already existing path.

Like every body else, I have had my fair share of challenges in life. I had so many hopes and plans for my life. I had an outline of what I wanted my life to look like, where I wanted to be at a particular time and what I hoped to have achieved by a certain point. But sometimes, things just don’t work out the way we plan them to.

As soon as I came out of the clouds of my challenges, those who knew I was facing them encouraged me with the words of that famous phrase “the sky is your limit”. I was very certain too that having overcome those challenges, I would be well on my way to meeting my goals.

But somehow I found myself in this space where it seems sometimes like I am in a box. I can’t go forward nor backward, neither can I go left or right. It seems every move I make is hindered by something else that in hind sight, could have been completed avoided and it gets very frustrating.

So I am sitting and wondering how can everyone else be telling me “the sky is my limit” when I haven’t even taken off from the ground yet or how can they be saying ” the sky is my starting point” when I have not moved from the ground.

It feels sometimes as if there some negative force working against all my efforts. when I reflect, I see that I did all the right things and asked all the right questions, only to be inches from my goal and it all crumbles because of one tiny detail I didn’t even realize would be a factor down the line.

Life can weigh you down sometimes but in the midst of all that, I have decided to keep my head up I will not give up and I will keep doing my utmost best. I am hoping that eventually though and soon enough, I am close to at least one of those goals and that the sky would indeed be my starting point.

Until then, I will keep working to take off from this ground that seems to be holding me back at times.

Do you feel that way too sometimes? Please share. It is always good to have a support system of people encouraging one another, knowing that we are all on a similar journey.

Have a blessed day.