Tag Archives: cheating

Why I HATE Facebook

I logged onto to Facebook to wind time and catch up on what my friends who are distant from me in terms of location have been up to. It was an innocent gesture as always just as it should be, only this time, I noticed was I getting infuriated as I scrolled down to check statuses and see who had a new wardrobe to showcase.

Daniella is dressed in a leopard print dress with matching heels and accessories to die for, the look is completed with a pout that makes her look constipated and she is standing in what I believe is the new model pose with a hand on her right hip in front of The Saks Fifth Avenue.

Robert just updated his status, thanking God for continuous blessings in his life and announcing to the world his new acquisition in form of a house. He says it is in a swanky neighborhood, he can’t believe it’s his and how far he has come. Indeed, God takes care of his own. But he forgets to upload a picture to go along with this new marvelous blessing

Kingsley shares a picture of him leaning against a brand new BMW, hands and legs crossed, head flanking to the side  and his facial expression giving vibes of  “what’s up? look at me, started at the bottom and now i am here” kind of impression. He is wearing jeans and a jacket with sneakers, a look reminiscent of those new breakout hip-hop artists. Yeah, he has made it. Only he is standing by the car and not siting inside or driving.

Charisse just bestowed upon the Facebook world what beautiful marriage she has with her husband with a new album she uploaded.In one of the pictures, they are looking into each others eyes and seem to be lost in the action, in the other, they seem to be whispering to each other words only they can tell and yet in another, they are standing in a pose so intricate you would only see in the movies, yet we get it from the pictures, they are so in love and marriage is just very blissful.

Keira just commented on Sarah’s picture, stating how fat Sarah has become. Berating her about her weight and ordering her to lose weight because she looks ugly now. No man would desire her or even talk to her. It is the beginning of the end of her life as she knows it if she doesn’t jump into action.

These are the different personae and things  I come across on Facebook daily, albeit the fact that I know these people on a personal level. I started wondering why people I know very well and whom I am well aware as they are themselves of their statuses in life found the need to lie on Facebook, and others “kill” with their words.

Who are they trying to impress and who are they keeping up with?. These are the pressures that so many people are facing every day. The need to update a status to let the world know how interesting your life is even when it is not, the burden to upload scores upon scores of albums to show the world what marvelous lives we have, and the shear malice to comment on a photo which you are otherwise not obliged to.

I have been so close to calling these people out on Facebook but then decided against it, really, you never know what it takes for any of us to stay sane without crossing that line. So whatever floats their boat. But it leaves me wondering though, this must be some serious level of low self-esteem. For anyone person to make up things that are far from their truths just to impress people who LITERALLY do not care. Sure, people would look at the pictures, like them and even comment( topic for another day, the lies people tell on FB in the name of comments behooves me every single time) but then what?

It is the unsuspecting folks, those who have no idea what your life is really like, who are totally oblivious  to your reality who fall prey to such traps. They start examining their lives; the cars, the jewelries, the clothes and vacations are nowhere near their radars, yet they work very hard and because of that they start feeling inadequate. They start feeling the urge to show off something in their lives too, anything. And a new monster is born and the cycle continues.

The pressures from FB has turned some people into overnight thieves, others have become professional liars and yet, some have resolved to duplicity altogether; living double lives. The Downings start keeping up with the Roberts who are keeping up with the Joneses who are keeping up with who knows. An unending cycle of silent torture which some are completely unaware they have fallen prey to while some have blatantly refused to pay it any mind.

It is everyone’s prerogative how they choose to live their lives but I think as decent humans that we were made to be, we ought to be courteous to others with the truths of our existence. Our very daily lives. Some people are very fickle and so tend to get caught up in pressures like these which result to saddening events like suicides when they cannot catch up.

So again, I ask, what is the purpose of all that? I know what you are thinking reading this. Well, if it bugs you so much how about you quit Fb? And you are right, which I have done. But what about those who are not strong enough to quit, who have become addicted and cannot seem to stay away from it, what about them?

I like to think that as humans, and being Christian, one of the reason we are here is to look after each other. I certainly cannot tell anyone how to live their lives (where would I begin with the exorbitant numbers on FB) but I do hope that anyone who stumbles on this article takes a moment and ask if their FB profile is helping or hurting. If we stop and think before we update those statuses and upload those pictures or before we hit enter on a derogatory comment, surely the world would be so much better. At least FB would be.

Sorry about such a lengthy post this week( didn’t even say all I intended, but this should do) and thank you for taking the time to read. I appreciate everyone who stops by here. Do share, how are you feeling today?

 

Long After The Breakup

“Google is your friend!” I have heard that statement countless times and apparently, Google is indeed my friend; otherwise, how do I explain finding myself on the site and googling my ex almost a year after the breakup. (No, I am not a stalker).

I remember typing Google in the web browser, and I don’t remember planning to look him up but somehow that is what I was doing. That was after a fruitless search for him on Facebook which led me to the almighty search engine. I actually shocked myself at how engrossed I was into the articles I found on him on Google. Not that he is a famous person but let just say I updated myself pretty nicely on how he has fared. (Different address and found out he graduated with something else other than what he told me. Doesn’t matter now anyways).

Now you ask, why is she googling her ex? Well, for starters, he has been in my thoughts an awful lot lately and I don’t like it either. I have been talking to two guys who asked me out recently and we have been on a couple of dates.

These guys are both amazing…in their own way, and I have known them for a bit now but I am not in a relationship with either one, …yet.( I am not sure what I want. O to be a woman). But recently, I found myself comparing them to my ex. I found that I wanted them to be more like him or to love me the way my ex loved me.

That dude loved me. I had been in two relationships before him and I had thought I had been in love before then, but I was wrong. It was only when I dated him that I understood what it meant to love and be loved in return. He understood me like no one ever did before, he satisfied my ASD (Attention Seeking Disorder) in the relationship, he cared about my family and friends and even though he loved me as I was, he encouraged/motivated me to lose weight by highlighting the health benefits.

We had become friends first before lovers, so we talked about any and everything. Even when we ran out of what to talk about, we enjoyed the silence together, we prayed together, studied together, ate together, we did almost everything together and you wouldn’t even believe we were both in totally different continents but it always felt like he was right here because I could talk to him whenever I wanted to and he was always there. He was all kinds of right, until one the day, he was the worst kind of wrong.

We broke up after a year and a month, that was January this year. I thought I was over him until last week when my very close friend asked me about my dating life, and I kept telling her how I wished either of these two guys I was talking to could be a bit more like my ex. I wish they could be a bit more sensitive, perceptive, doting, caring and concerned in the case of one and in the case of the other, not too sensitive, or over perceptive or choke me with care. (I know, I sound confused).

Long story short, she said she thought I may still love my ex, reason why I keep comparing the guys I go on dates with to him and asked me to have an open mind.I thought about what she said and I think she is right, otherwise, what other explanation is there for my actions? I think of the other two guys and I go, “he (ex) wouldn’t do that, or he would say this or do this at this time or he was way caring”. Who does that?

I hurt myself all over again though, because I hate that he messed us up. We had something really special and amazing or so I thought,up until the mess he caused. He is the only guy who has loved me the way I wanted to be loved and treated. But like my friend said, if he was really that good, I wouldn’t be talking about him in past tense would I?

So in an effort to finally heal myself and rid my system of him, I went back to the good and almighty Google to search anything I could find on my current suitors. Guess what, there is nothing out there on them. At least, nothing interesting. I guess I would have to find out the old-fashioned way, ASK THEM.

What about you? Have you ever googled an ex long after the relationship was over? Did you wish it wasn’t over and do you want him/her back? Have you ever compared potential lovers with an ex and how did you deal with it, because yours truly needs all the advice I can get on this one. Don’t forget to share how you are feeling today. Thank you for stopping by and have a blessed day.

 

 

They cheat, I suffer

I am amazing. I am pretty amazing. Those are the words I have been telling myself all morning. I am a wonderful human being. I love people and try to treat every body right. I do extremely well with my academics and I take my work seriously. I try to keep my spiritual on par with my reality and hope that it gets stronger each day. But how is it that as ‘amazing’ as I am, my partners (exes) have never seemed to realize that until after the fact.

You ask what got me thinking about this in the first place? I was talking to my girlfriend last night who just went through a break-up a week ago and was informing she was in a new relationship with a new guy. (by the way, let me just say the dude is all kinds of hotness and then some).

I will admit a part of me was happy when she told me last week she broke up with her boyfriend, which I thought was a little long overdue considering how shady he had gotten lately but I shamelessly said to her ” welcome back to the club girl. The single ladies club”. She knew of course I was joking, unbeknownst to her I meant it in part.

In our circle of five friends, I was the only one who somehow managed to find myself alone with myself. The other three are either married or engaged, so you can surely understand why I was a little happy my friend joined me in the group.I guess it’s true then what they say, misery sure loves company.

After our talk, I started analyzing my past relationships and why they didn’t work  out. The common factor amongst all three of my exes was cheating. The first one cheated with one of my close friends from school. I didn’t even know the second was cheating until we broke up four months after we started dating, courtesy of all the excuses and numerous places he always had to be, and using church as his cover. Now the third one couldn’t have proven the saying that “all men cheat” any better than he did. Weeks after running my unstable mouth to my friends that I could swear he wasn’t cheating on me, it turned out he was cheating after all.

The last ex hurt me more than the others because he knew what I had been through in the name of love and promised to be different.I came to love and trust this guy more than I had ever to loved or trusted any man before, and that was what I got. I should have known better I suppose.

So there I was thinking if there was something wrong with me so much that, all the men I had been with had to seek for the solution outside of our relationship. Was there something more they needed that I wasn’t giving them? Was I not enough? If the first one sought so much to humiliate me, why did it have to be my friend? I am not the pestering kind in a relationship, so what is it about me that kept driving them to other women?

I am that girl who when in a relationship, I give my all. I give 120% expecting that I get back at least 99%. I am sure it is not asking too much for a man to reciprocate my actions in a relationship, now is it? It doesn’t have to be exact reciprocity. Just showing me that you are paying attention is all I ever asked. But somehow, I am thinking that was too much or overwhelming for them. These negative thoughts had been getting a better part of me since the breakup last month and then I had this epiphany today.

It wasn’t me, it was them. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not making excuses for things that after evaluating myself I think could sure use a makeover (hello, my weight loss journey anybody?) . But I certainly cannot allow any man’s insecurities be the basis for my unhappiness. I have since found my glow again after the breakup but I didn’t stop thinking and today, I brought myself closure.

I am a good person. I am witty, strong-minded, driven , caring, loving, nurturing, patient, kind, sharp,  very much a realist as I am an idealist, spiritual, loves to read on broad subjects,  very opinionated , loves adventures, traveling and forgives easily but doesn’t forget. I do have moments of random stupidities, occasional outburst and a very worrisome mind.

So yes, I am amazing but I do not claim to be better than anyone, not even the women who were used to drivel pain my way. But I am in a better place emotionally and mentally than I was last month, last week and even this morning. I have had this particular conversation with myself over and over for the last few days and I am glad I ended here.