Tag Archives: humor

For The Shame of Living


Have you found yourself wanting something so badly yet not going after it just because? Or you want to try something new but there’s that small voice asking you “what will people think?”. Better still, you find yourself shying away from the very things you love doing or things that make you happy for no reason? Well, it’s not just because or for no reason, you just might have not identified it yet but it’s called SHAME.

This dawned on me a few days ago. Like I have documented here severally, my weight has always been a sore spot long before I started sharing the struggles from behind a screen. I have tried, failed and continue trying to lose the weight (which I hope it’s a battle where I’d come out swinging) but it never really stopped me from living my life. Or so I thought.

I had never been the paparazzi-picture-loving-kinda-girl from a young age but I was never coy of them either. Until 2 years ago when I stopped taking pictures unwittingly, and when I did, I never posted them to any social site. I had consciously decided to work on losing weight but not on hiding myself through the process until a few weeks ago when I posted my first pictures in 2 years. Only to realize a few days later that shame played a role.

Subconsciously, a tiny voice decided that I was too big to share pictures of myself, what would my friends say when they saw me? what would my parents think? I had let everyone down, not myself but everyone else. This attitude had seeped into my writing sometimes because coming from the cultural background that I do, writers are lazy people and they are broke. I debated for a long time whether or not to share my articles on my social media handles. If I thought the topic was controversial for my followers who are mostly of the same cultural heritage like myself, I didn’t share it and vice versa.

Whether I intentionally thought these through or not, they were affecting my life. I stopped living and went on making any and every excuse possible, most times school was the culprit. Having graduated now, I can’t use that as an excuse anymore. In a few months I would be 30 years old and I want to get there living my life unashamedly.

If you find yourself in the same spot as me, then just like me, you should know it is never too late and get ready to start living your best life. I am an advocate of “live and let live” and I pride myself a pretty open-minded gal for an African, precisely Cameroonian. And at almost 30, I have better things to worry about than what people think of me especially when their opinions are insignificant. My happiness is important and part of it is doing what I love regardless of acceptance, of differing opinions or dissenting views.

We are all clay in the Potter’s hands, that means we are still being molded. I hear it all the time but it never clicked for me until last month – to leave intentionally. For me it means not just coasting along anymore, stop going through the motions and think through all my actions. Part of that is living my truth; while I work on my weight, the reality is this is me right now. This is who is in-front of me and I have to love her before anybody else would, show her off and treat her to moments that make her feel cherished, loved and appreciated. This body too is the temple of God, it is a work in progress and I have no idea when the maker would be done with it.

Stop the shame of living your truth, of being in the way of your own happiness and caring so much what people would say. Live intentionally in the moment and trust the master sculptor to perfect what is good and right in your life. As I wait for Him to finish this master piece, I would be enjoying every moment given me – intentionally. Have a wonderful weekend Lovelies.

Who needs a man? Definitely not me.

“I want a man who will make me laugh”. ” I like a guy who is funny”. ” he should have a good sense of humor”.

That is the first thing I always hear girls/women say every time they are asked, “what are you looking for in a man?” and it always leaves me shocked somewhat. And every time I hear that, I always answer/ say to myself, “naa, I don’t need a man to make me laugh,I am funny all by myself”. I have said that to myself so much that it is almost like a reflex action, as soon I hear that question, my answer is always right on cue.

Surprised?. You shouldn’t be because I am not just funny, I am hilarious.(don’t misinterpret this as pride). I remember the last job I worked at, the one time I walked in there moody, every one was asking me if I was alright and I was wondering why. So I asked one of my inquirers and she said, they had never seen me frown or sad, I was always happy and jovial and so they were genuinely concerned.

Recently, I missed class three times in a row for a course I was taking over the summer and when my classmates checked on me, the first thing they said was class wasn’t the same without me. They missed my jokes and laughter and one of them said, he liked how I always laughed even when something wasn’t not funny.

Enough praises already but you get the idea.(My aunt says one of the things she admires in me is how I don’t wait for anyone to praise me, I go right ahead and pat myself on the back when I accomplish something, who does that? Topic for another day) I don’t exactly think myself funny enough to humor others but somehow, people think I am funny.

I am that person who always and as cliché as it sounds, looks for the silver lining in everything. Sometimes I feel like someone should have a hidden camera in my car because that is where I have the most fun. I am a bit of a talkative and tend to have the urge to comment on everything I see, plus I am easily amused and I laugh a lot.

I am sure we can all agree that you come across the funniest things, thoughts and people while behind the wheel. Now where I may be different from you is , I vocalize those thoughts; somehow it always comes out funnier than I saw it or thought it and I find myself laughing hysterically for minutes on end. I am sure some drivers who have met with me at a red light have probably thought to themselves “who let this nut job on the road?”

I have been stressed up sometimes about situations and like every Christian, I went down on my knees to talk to God about it, sometimes wailing seriously, only to find myself laughing to the point of tears at the whole situation minutes later. I am the girl who laughs when someone else is laughing just because they are laughing. I am the girl who would think about a past event and laugh myself to the floor, I am sometimes the only girl laughing in the movie theater at a scene that every one thought was unfunny and I am usually the first one to laugh and the last one to stop laughing in a circle.

I laugh at myself, my stupidity, my mistakes, my flaws, my shortcomings. I laugh at people who take themselves too seriously when they shouldn’t, I laugh for people who are too beaten or have too much egos to laugh at themselves, I laugh at the little things, I laugh at the big things, I laugh even when I have no reason to laugh at all. Laughter like crying is very therapeutic. Where crying lightens the burden, laughter takes it away, though only for a brief moment.(Research is still pending)

I guess I inherited this somewhat free spirit from my mother ( this lady deserves a post or two all by herself) because she is the only one whom I know that doesn’t take things too seriously. It doesn’t mean I am masking anything or hiding behind laughter to avoid the things that I must do, It simply means that I have control over them. They are things/issues after all and I am the human. I just choose to laugh at them first before I deal with them and sometimes after too.

What am I saying? Kudos to all those who need people to make them laugh especially men. Me, I have so much more I expect from “my” man than his sense of humor, like how about his relationship with Christ?, does he share my core values towards family and how is his temperament? (yep, I need to know that because yours truly has the tendency to go crazy sometimes. Shocker.)

I have all these and more to worry about than his sense of humor, and if he has one, then it is a bonus for us. (laughing now at the picture of me and “my husband” always laughing at God knows what). If he doesn’t, oh well, he need not bother because I am funny for both of us.

So there, I don’t need a man to make me laugh because I am funny all by myself. What about you? Do you need a partner who makes you laugh or how do you approach life? Do you think life is a joke that like me, you are constantly laughing at? I would love to read your take. Meanwhile, Hope you have a wonderful day ahead. Don’t forget to share, how are you feeling today?.