Category Archives: Random Thoughts

Tall, Dark & Handsome Please!!!

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Add a dash of christian, preferably born-again, a hint of faithfulness and a scoop of financial stability. And oh, while at it, sprinkle good-dresser and well-articulated to garnish. Sounds familiar? Yep. These are the many requirements that ladies walk around with in their heads on the daily. Men have their list of requirements as well, reverse the aforementioned, and you have yourself a requirements list for women.

The relationship topic has been over-flogged I know, but stay with me for a bit as I explore another dimension that to me, I rarely read about. Just like any woman out there, I have qualities that I seek out in a man. As I have gotten older, those qualities have changed a lot. Whereas I might have had 10 things on that list, now I pretty much look for just one which was never there. It sprung on me by surprise because it wasn’t something I even thought of. But as my perspective on life changed with time and I got to encounter different people and places, that list of requirements morphed into this single quality.

The list changed because I realized, that is the one thing I would comfortably bring to the platform which would trickle down to other things. This got me thinking about how many people, both men and women meet the requirements of their own list? I consider myself a feminist who advocates for the equal treatment and right of both genders. By that, what a woman is seeking for in a man, she should be able to bring to the table as well and vice versa.

Speaking with a friend recently, he lamented on relationships being a give-give situation where one person is always giving while the other is always taking, and in his biased opinion, women always took. I told him about a saying I heard once which is; “You cannot give what you don’t have”. This explains why people find themselves in unpleasant “situation-ships” except for a few.

Why would anyone have as a requirement from a potential partner to be financially buoyant when they themselves are not? What gives you the confidence to go out seeking for a six pack, when you have a flat pack? Most baffling of all, why do you need him to be a born-again christian when you’ve barely seen the 4-walls of a church in months? You don’t have to match him penny for penny, prayer for prayer or six pack to six pack to request that. You at least need to be working towards that or have met half of your own requirements. Otherwise, what gives you the right to demand these qualities from someone else when you do not possess them yourself?

I have an “aunt” who advises all the time that when it comes to relationships “stick to your kind”. Half the time she is referring to sticking to your race but I would switch it to mean stick to the standards you bring. The truth is, if we observe the world keenly, you would have realized that people almost always stick to their social class when finding a life partner. Sure we have a few cases of a prince/princess dating/marrying below his rank (Kate Middleton anyone?) but those cases are few and far between.

While it makes sense for one to hold themselves in very high esteem and therefore demand high standards, at the same time, we need to give ourselves reality checks sometimes. So when next you are adding a must-have quality in a partner on your requirements list, ask yourself if you bring that quality to the table as well. If not, what are you doing to get yourself on that list because just as you have a list, so does the partner you are looking for. Do your lists match?

Have a blessed day lovely people and as always, thank you for stopping by. I appreciate the time you took to read and if you loved it, please share. And oh, share your thoughts, do you think it is appropriate to require things that you cannot give from a potential partner?

No,We Are Not Pregnant.

Last week I wrote a poetic article of gratitude for my mom in honor of her 50th birthday. I was privileged to have the article featured on a popular African blog and had a few people comment on it. Everyone expressed their well wishes for my mom but there was one comment though that got me thinking.

The commenter wished my mom well and said she hopes the upcoming generation can raise children while multitasking as “our” moms did. In this context, “our” moms refers to African mothers/women. For those who are not Africans and might not know about the culture, an African mother is basically EVERYTHING in the home. (This is true for 95% of African households.)

For many of those households, the woman’s place is believed to be in the kitchen but in examining it, it stretches far beyond the kitchen. The African woman/mother is considered the primary domestic; tending the laundry, doing all the household chores, she is expected to bear children and raise them properly while the man is regarded as the king of the household because he goes out to work, he brings home the bacon.  There would have been nothing wrong with this scenario if many African mothers willingly chose to be home-makers, but that is rarely the case in most homes. (topic for another day, I digress).

The comment struck a nerve because it left me wondering if many women in my generation can be an all encompassing woman like “our” mothers; willing to be the brunt of the household and if they honestly “want” kids. Don’t get me wrong, personally heaven knows I love babies and kids. I was a nanny/babysitter for about five years, I grew up in a big family and I “practically” raised our last born. I am surrounded by nephews and nieces every where in my family and I have been on Godmother duties for about 3 years now. So you see, I am constantly being hedged by kids.

I am positive there are women who feel a certain nag in the gut about whether or not they want to procreate kids themselves either biologically or otherwise. From where I stand, the world we live in today is becoming very peculiar and the results from the lens with which I am observing that world looks very gloomy. If many of these women are looking at the world the way I am, I think a lot will be leaning towards the nay side of that argument and here is why:

  • Will Your Partner Be Committed?

A few days back, there was an article published on this same popular site which struck a nerve with a lot of people and everyone was agreeing with it, yours truly inclusive (this post is partly inspired by the article). The article discussed the nature of the African man, his pride and ill manners and the little or almost non-existent help they offer to their partners in marriage because of the way they were raised.I am very open when it comes to dating, not limited to my African brothers alone( I am generous like that…lol) which I am sure many women are. But just in case you end up the African brother (or any man) whose thinking faculties still reside in 1980, do you really want to start a family with him? With a man who believes it is a woman’s duty to do everything in the house and raise the kids properly without any form of contribution from him except financially? A man who would be afraid to express his emotions before his kids because according to him, it makes him look weak? A man who thinks bringing home the bacon is all there is to keeping a happy home? A man who would not change diapers because he grew up knowing that it was a woman’s duty and not his? God forbids that any one ends up with such a man but if that were to be the case, I am sure you would be leaning towards the negative side of the equation about not having kids.

  • Peer Pressure

We all know there is no handbook for raising kids out there and especially none on how to be the “best” parent or ” perfect” parent to your kids. (Trust me, those books out there claiming to be expert advice are only guess work). Every parent who made the conscious decision to have kids do the very best that they can to raise their children in the very best way that they know how to. Being a nanny for that many years, I know first hand that you only have that much time to shape your child’s thought process and empower them. It is those early years between the ages of 0-10. After that, you have to rely on prayers because your child would be fair game to whoever has a more convincing voice when they are not around you. You want to teach your child independence and protect them at the same time, so it becomes a bit of dilemma. I am sure if many parents had their way, they would follow their kids every step of their life and choose their friends. But we live in a realistic world where that is just not possible. If you are unfortunate to have a child who can be easily swayed, can you imagine what influence their peers would have on them? It can go either way, bad influence or good influence.? So there is that fear sometimes because God – willing, we would all do our darnedest to raise the best kids, but what about those times when they are not around us, when we cannot control what they consume emotionally, physically, and spiritually? God help us because  this is a legitimate concern.

  • Does he/she really want kids.

No one and I dare say no one African person (except me of course..lol)  wants to believe that not everyone is cut out for having kids and that not everyone is fit to have them or that not everyone wants them in the first place. I know this is not just relegated to Africans as I stumbled on an article some months back on Yahoo about a Caucasian lady who tied her tubes at 26 because she was convinced she never wanted to have anything to do with children. The amount of backlash she received on that article was enough to send her reeling into a hole never to peep out again. The only comment I might have agreed with on the article was someone who said she should have given herself until her 30s to do that because as humans, we change our minds all the time. I don’t even want to imagine what people would have said if that same article found it’s way on this popular African site.( My African people would have helped her parents curse the day she was born albeit unsolicited). We have already established that there is no guide to parenting set in stone, but I am sure most of us have witnessed some parents in action and shook our heads in denial of those actions. There are those whom after careful observation, you can deduce that they unfit to parent? So why would all these people go ahead to have kids if they were honest with themselves in the first place? In most cases, the woman falls culprit the most and the men get off pretty easy. No one questions the man when he gets a vasectomy young or when he decides to not be a father, but it is another ball game when it comes to women. Also, the man can just become a deadbeat dad and whilst that is not acceptable, he will get away with it. But it is hard for a woman with conscience to walk away like that, which leaves us with many disgruntled parents who had kids not because they wanted them but because they were trying to conform to society.

  • The World Is No Longer Safe

If you are looking to be depressed, you need not look any further than the nightly news and the local news is the worst offender. Almost every minute there is something atrocious happening somewhere in the world and it is scary. I am sure many people who consider starting a family think about these things. If you are not in the 1% of the world, then you are living every day looking over your shoulder because there is no telling where the next ill is coming from. The natural disasters have multiplied by a zillion with earthquakes, mudslides and tornadoes threatening from all angles. Air travel which used to be considered one of the safest is slowly becoming one of the worst; who would have thought that sending your kid to be an exchange student would result in them becoming a casualty on a plane ? Just staying in your house these days doesn’t seem to be a good preventive mechanism anymore as stray bullets are constantly flying in the air. There is a saying that ” it takes a village to raise a child”, well, these days, it takes the same village to kill a child. So many people taking this into consideration will decide to just ride solo.

  • Freedom

Whether you agree with me or not, having children takes away some level of your freedom which many people are not just ready to give up yet. Even for those who can afford to employ nannies, it is not easy to just get up and go. You can’t do that anymore,not with children who depend on you. Your every move and activity revolves around those children. Even when you are able to have the night off and go on date with hubby, your mind is never off your children.I know because I was a nanny for those many years. Now imagine what it must be like for those who can’t afford a nanny/babysitter. There are people who want to earn just enough to look after themselves and having kids means working extra hard, double hours and forgoing so many things like clubbing and all which they are not ready to. For these people, having kids is not part of the equation.

These are just some of the reasons why some people may decide to not have kids and it is entirely their prerogative. I don’t think anyone should judge them for it or hold them in contempt because those who have kids also made a decision to have them. Everyone is free to live their life in the way that they see fit and I don’t think they owe anyone any explanations for those decisions or be looked down on because of them. Life is full of choices and not having kids is one of them. We have just one life to live and we deserve to live the very best version of it even if that version doesn’t include kids. Live and let live.

I’d like to know, what is your take? Hope you have a nice start to the weekend.

 

Love Actually !?!?!?!?!?

It is the longest and oldest race ever run and the stiffest pursuit many have faced and yet, the world or most of us are still chasing it – Love. It is because of love that Romeo and Juliet died, it  was for the same reason that King Edward VIII abdicated the throne to be with his lover.

Love has been the reason behind some of the most heinous crimes known to man, and also the very reason behind the most unexpected kindness to man. Families have been known  to fall apart because of love when kids especially make “wrong” choices in partners. Love has brought the most unlikely people together and torn the most loyal of friendships into shreds.

Even the big book of Wisdom is not immune from the “wrath” of love; because Jacob loved Rachel so much, he endured an additional seven years of work after marrying Leah before he could finally be with his beloved.Rebekah loved and cherish one son over the other so much that she didn’t mind conning him out of his rightful blessings and the greatest love of all, that of Jesus Christ who died on the cross to save us all from eternal damnation.

With all of these, you would think that “we” have enough love lessons to learn from or maybe conclude that it is too cumbersome for one to deal with, but that is absolutely not the case. Everyone still yearns for that someone to call their own; someone to share experiences with and make memories that will stand time. Everyone hopes that love deals them a better hand and prays that they are lucky in love.

I have had countless encounters with love; some good, some bad, some outright bitter experiences but at the end of the day, I have found myself confused. I guess my dilemma at this point is when do you actually consider love to be love?

I am a very sensual person, sometimes too akin to my feelings and emotions. When I first meet someone that I like, I am sure like everyone else, there are those butterfly feelings. Granted they go away but that deep longing is always lingering around long after the butterflies have left.

But what is it then when you neither feel the butterflies nor the deep longing but clearly feel, to a large extend some level of connection? Or can the type of affection you feel toward somebody change to be another kind of affection? Say, at the beginning you are romantically and even sexually endeared to the person and after a while, you become more endeared to them in a casual/ brotherly way?

I am aware of cases where people who were formerly friend-zoned transitioned to become the lovers. In those cases, the affection changed from friendliness to something deeper. I am also aware that people break up when they don’t feel anything for each other anymore, when they feel they just can’t make it work. But my bind here is this, what about those people who know for sure they feel something but can’t quite define it?

I guess what am asking is what happens when the butterflies go away, when the longing and yearning for one another diminishes or disappears in some cases, when the spark is lost, and when desire is gone? What happens?

I often wonder how couples, my parents inclusive are able to stay with the same person for that long. I understand that the “how to” business thrives on couples but outside of that, what keeps people together really? Love actually or the realization that that is the best they might ever get and stick with it? Or is it a calculated decision? (believe it or not,some peoples’ decisions to stay in a relationship are influenced by the economic advantages/disadvantage of staying).

Life is difficult as it is already (well, for most of us anyways who are in the 1%), add love to the mix and you are faced with a complex situation which can go either of two ways. If you are dealt the right cards, it eases your life because it provides you a partner to share experiences and struggles with. But if you are unlucky, you might as well be digging your own grave because there is no telling how bad it is going to get and how soon.

Yet again, there are those of us who are in a lurch, neither knowing what or how to describe what we feel and yet unwilling to let the other party go.Sure it is unfair to them, but then, there is that future uncertainty and the promise that time gives us, that things could change for the better or worse still.

One thing I know for sure though is that love is indeed a beautiful feeling and my wish is for everyone to experience it at least once in their lives. I have experienced amazing selfless love and right now, I am sort of in limbo about my exact feelings at the moment but hope I can resolve it.

I wish you all love today and hope we all experience it today either by receiving or giving. Have a blessed rest of the week and as always, any love tips, advice, experiences are welcome.Happy Wednesday folks.

What Is The Theme Of Your Life?

For the first time in two months I was ten minutes early for mass yesterday and it felt good. I like to have those few minutes because that’s my time to talk to God before mass begins. I found myself praying for the priest during my short prayer before mass; praying that God will inspire him and give him the right message for his flock. I don’t remember the last time I prayed for the priest to be inspired but God must have heard me because the message was beautiful and touching.

I always love it when father Gabriel preaches,so when I heard the announcer say he was the preacher for yesterday’s mass, I knew I was in for a treat.

Fr Gabriel began his homily by reminiscing about the past four Sundays since the start of Lent; the first Sunday, we submitted ourselves to God. The second, we committed a particular area of our lives to God that needed change. The third Sunday, we acknowledged the purpose of Christ death.The fourth Sunday, we decided to love like Christ regardless of our circumstances and yesterday,we decided to let go and let God.

When we get to the point were we feel we have done our very best, we are out of options and there’s no where else to turn, then it is time to let go and let God. And when we do, we should do so trusting him with everything we have got, believing that he will continue where we left off, pick up where we ended and make everything beautiful in his time.

He ended the homily by telling us about an assignment they were given during their last months in the seminary. They had been asked to think and decide what their life’s theme was going to be in five words or less. It had to be something they would easily remember, a theme they could always draw from if they didn’t have the bible to preach from, a theme they could always use to inspire people if they didn’t go to church.

Fr Gabe chose God’s gift from his name John. He reminded us that we were all special and were all gifts to our family, friends, community and world. He reminded us to live our lives in ways that would bless others and indeed be a gift to them and challenged us to decide for ourselves what the theme of our lives will be. A theme that would keep us grounded every time we vocalized it, a theme that would inspire us, a theme that would guide our lives if we never went to church anymore.

I haven’t stopped thinking about it and I still haven’t decided what the theme of the rest of my life would be. I have had a few ideas; victory and victorious, be the light for others, let my light shine, share the love of Christ. I have not been able to settle on any yet. Who knew something so easy could yet be so difficult. Whatever I decide as my theme, I would want for it to shape my life in a positive way and that of those around me.

So, if you were challenged to come up with a theme that will guide you for the rest of your days on earth what will it be? I was so inspired by Fr Gabriel’ message and figured this would be good food for thought for everyone. The theme has to be five words or less, one word is best because you can easily remember it. And when you so come up with one, let it be your mantra, let it impact your life and that of those around you.

Have a blessed week ahead y’all as you ponder on this question; what is the theme of your life?

Short Story Thursdays: The Second Date

The phone rang but before it could ring a second time, I lunged in its direction to answer the call I had been waiting for all day.

‘I am here, – in front of your house I hope’. He said with a subtle voice.
‘Ok, will be out in a minute’, I replied. I prayed he hadn’t read the nervousness in my voice as I hurried to join him. On my way out the door, I took a last glance in the mirror and heaped a heavy sigh, ‘Calm down Maggi’ I told myself and rushed out.
‘hmmm, you look very beautiful tonight’ he quipped as he unabashedly examined my contours and outfit. I had donned my favorite pair of blue jeans and a beaded cream top, complete with a pair of nude flats. I had very light make up on and though I was nervous, I was wearing confidence too. I could feel his glare on every ounce of my body but I managed to utter some words in reciprocation.
‘Thank you. You look gorgeous yourself….’ Barely did I finish my sentence when the door to the passenger side swung open, he held it with one hand and with the other, ushered me in. It was the first time I remembered a guy opened the door for me and I felt like a princess. He was clad in sleek jeans and a plain white tee, a navy blazer with a clean fit-to-size sneaker. He accessorized his clean-shaven face with a flat cap.
It was 7pm, the time we had fixed for the date after I took him up on his offer. From the house, he was the sublime gentleman; not just with opening doors before me, but checking in between conversations if I was comfortable. The drive to the restaurant couldn’t be any more pleasant. We had an easy flowing conversation like we knew ourselves for a long time. Heck, we had known each other for a long time, only, not in this intimate sense.
I met him a few months back, when I walked into the Five Guys restaurant to have my first burger. He was the manager on duty and the cashier who took my order; a dialogue stemmed from my revelation that it was the first time I was trying the “best burger” in America as it had been dubbed. My next visits were short but filled with chit-chats here and there. We became good acquaintances who seemed to enjoy short conversations with each other whenever we could. But on one of such visits, we didn’t just chit-chat; we had a good and thoughtful conversation that clearly couldn’t be finished while he worked. So he gave me his number and asked that I call him; normally, I would have disposed of it but figured I might need the distraction sometime and kept it. I liked him enough to want to talk some more, so I called him three days later and here we were, on our way to the date.
He planned for us to dine at a Cuban restaurant after I told him I had never had Cuban food. Unfortunately, arriving at the restaurant, it was closed for renovations. He was disappointed and it was understandable. To be a good sport, I suggested other venues I was comfortable going to. We drove around a few minutes and finally decided on the Olive Garden.
Dinner was wonderful and it wasn’t even the food. It was the way he went about the evening, it was as though I could see through him. His appetite for food and the fine things in life and how free he felt with me, spoon-feeding me in public. We talked over dinner and the conversation was the regular boy-meets – girl-first-date conversations. Our likes, aspirations, families, cultures and stories. He was pretty straight forward and unapologetic about his views on life and other things, which was very refreshing to see in a man.
One of those views was pre-marital sex which he didn’t think was wrong as long as both parties agreed to it and he thought religion was overrated. My view was different from his and we spent a good time on the topic, with him trying to convince me to see things his way and I vice versa. It was a civil discussion with no angst or misgivings.
He asked me to a movie after dinner, to which I agreed. He had been sweet, caring and doting all evening and I wasn’t ready to leave him just yet. ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ was the movie, and for such a late showing, it was packed. We sat at the last but one row in the back to the left. As usual, it was freezing cold in the hall. He noticed me shivering and gave me his jacket, holding me in a tight embrace. The cold seemed to vanish instantly. The warmth radiating from his body coupled with his scent, drew me in deeper and I cradled even closer. It felt good and safe just sitting there, wrapped in his arms.
Assuden, half-way through the movie, in a very soothing voice he asked ‘can I?’
‘Sure’ I replied, not fully understanding what he meant. Before I could process the question further, he launched forward and his lips were against mine. In no time, I grasped what was going on and I leaned in and indulged him. It was a hot, steamy and passionate kiss. Best one I have had yet.
A few hours later, he dropped me home. We both had a great time, evident on his demand for a second date, to which I gladly accepted. He walked me to the door, hugged me so tightly I didn’t want to let go, and kissed me again. He promised to call once he got home, which he did.
It was Sunday evening and I had waited all day for his call, I had anticipated this second date all weekend long. My anxiety gradually dissipated as time went by and by night-time; it dawned on me I had just been stood up, for the first time in my life.
It turned out I would be waiting for days and weeks on end for an explanation from him, detailing why he stood me up which never came. I tried to stop myself from contacting him severally but eventually caved to the temptation. So I sent him a text pretending to check on him but he never replied.
Six weeks passed before I walked in to the Five Guys restaurant to get a burger and there he was. The manager on duty and available cashier who took my order, – yet again. I became nervous and could only hope he didn’t think I came to shove myself in his face but at the very least; he would apologize and explain himself, an explanation I wasn’t sure I fancied anymore.

He didn’t even look me in the face as he took my order. He was very civil and cold at the same time. I was just another customer and he was just doing his job. He never said a word and I stood aghast for what felt like a lifetime. With whatever dignity I had left, I collected my order when it was ready and ran for my car.
It was a befuddled ride home. Like most girls, I had already planned so many adventures for our third and fourth dates. But how was that to ever be if he never showed up for the second?

The Switch

“When are you graduating?”

“When are we celebrating you?”

“When are you finishing school?”

These are the questions I get now when I visit my aunt and uncle and happen on some of their friends. These are friends with whom I have no ties or relations to, but they however find the need to ask about my educational prowess, despite the fact that they have no stake in it. Some of them, might have come to get used to my graduation date shifting further with each year.

My uncle stopped asking me questions along those lines two years ago. We now have this silence agreement of ” ask me no questions about my education and I shall tell you no lies”. If he noticed whenever he asked me such questions, then he must be wondering why my school load tends to increase with the years instead of reducing.

It is not that I don’t like talking about my education or tell my inquirers proudly and confidently about when I will finally graduate. The problem is whenever I delve into answering all those questions, the conversation almost always takes a life all its own. In the past, people have not been very understanding and the fear of been judged nudges me to embellish the truth instead of full disclosure.

If any of you are Africans reading this or have African friends who share their experiences, then you will realize that in most of our cultures, it is the norm for our parents to dictate what we study in school and what career path we follow. We simply obey and do as they say because after all, they are in charge of the tuition.

Back in secondary school, I was a well balanced student. I did well in both the arts and sciences but excelled particularly in the sciences. My parents noticed and pushed me towards science more,never stopping to ask what I would have wanted to do. They wanted to have a doctor in the family, if that didn’t pan out, an engineer would do and if all else failed, then a pilot.

And so it was that I found myself studying Microbiology my first semester in the states. My uncle convinced me to switch to nursing, citing my families financial situation to which I obliged the following semester. Still at the advice of my uncle, I moved from pre-nursing to pre-LPN. Subsequently, I kept shuffling back and forth between micro, pre-nursing and pre-med and back to micro. You can imagine what this back and forth movement would do to one’s psyche.

It took me moving out of my uncle’s house before finding my voice (as long as I wasn’t under his roof anymore, he couldn’t dictate my life) and deciding what it was I actually wanted to do as a career path.

Why did it take me so long to admit to myself that this was not the career path I wanted? Or that I was never really cut out for the sciences , considering how I have been dabbling in writing for a long time and honing my skills for God-knows how long. Well, there is the fear of my parents (reason why I have still not told my dad I am not pursuing a nursing degree anymore, he would find out like everybody else on graduation day) , the fear of disappointing them or dashing their hopes and there is the ballast factor. The guarantee of a stable income and better life that a career in one of those fields promises.

What these unlicensed and unauthorized journalists fail to realize is that no one is more perturbed about my education than I am. It would feel really good to be able to say I am a graduate but the simple fact is I am not. But I am working towards that every day and giving it my best shot.

I have come to the conclusion that I am a late bloomer. By my culture’s standards, I should have been working on my PHD or a second masters now (no pressure) but I am not. I always have my epiphanies when they are long overdue and my hindsight is always 20/20.

If you are like me, know that is totally allowed for you to feel frustrated but what is not ok is accepting defeat, accepting the statusquo. You are not in competition with anybody and even if you were, what matters is that you make it to the finish line. It is not how about how fast you get there but how far you make it, and that finish line is the goal.

Have a blessed rest of the week y’all.

 

Communicating Assumptions

We are an ever busy society, constantly on the move and we never almost have time to meet with friends and family to have a decent time together, face to face. These days even phone calls that used to be the “in thing” have become so obsolete. You would think that with social media inventing all these forms of communication that now exist, that it would make it easier for people to communicate their feelings across but that is not the case.

One of my girlfriends got crossed with me two days ago because she came to my house to visit and I wasn’t home. I asked her “well, why would you come to my place without alerting me before hand?” and she said, since I had told her I had the day off on Martin Luther King day, she figured she should come visit. That sounded for lack of a better word foolish to me;why would you assume that because I have the day off, therefore I will automatically be at home? I like to think that typically, especially on this side of the world, a day off is when you catch up to all the other errands that suffer during the week when I can barely squeeze out time to do them.

This led to me remember one time when a close friend was mad when I said we were not dating. I had met him about three months prior through a mutual friend. We were introduced casually and we got talking. I liked his company and we shared  quite a lot of interest. I could tell from his gestures and things he would occasionally say that he wanted us to be more than friends but he never voiced his feelings.

So I recounted a story to him about my uncle asking why I was still single and he asked me in the most surprised and flabbergasted look I had seen in a long time if I was really single. I was then taken aback, wondering if he asked me out and we were dating, yet somehow, he was the only one privy to that information, to which he said, he thought we were dating. Assumptions Assumptions.

Why would anyone put themselves through that kind of emotional torture? Why would you be having a relationship with me in your head without telling me? Why can’t people just pick up the phone and communicate their thoughts to those whom it is directed towards? Why?

I have been there before when I had something to tell someone and it felt like the most daunting task I would ever take on. Not sure on the receiving parties reaction, uncertainty, fear of loosing the friendship/relationship, and just plain fear of rejection are usually some of the reasons that make it a burden to communicate those feelings .

I found that if you have difficult information to tell someone, it doesn’t matter how well you sugar coat it, if it is bad news/information, it is going to received as such regardless of your best efforts. For me, if it is that hard, I would always go ahead and send a detailed text message to convey those feelings across; that way, I am not completely facing the wrath of their reaction to my action.

We can get easily lost in this worldly system which is so fast paced and messages tend to be lost along the way and misconstrued and the single best way to fix that is the very old fashion way, TALK. Voice your opinion, make known your feelings and communicate your thoughts, otherwise, it is all in your head. Assumptions are dangerous, in these cases it was mild but I have seen people assume that others knew about information which could decide between life and death.

So if it is the fear of confrontation, rejection or whatever, go the easy route and send a detailed text message. The bottom line is, you have to talk, communicate to the other person and not assume because half of the time, it is never really what it seems.

Hope you are having a beautiful Wednesday. Thanks for stopping by always and do share, how are you feeling today?