Category Archives: health

Poetry????????

O chocolate, My chocolate

Ever so luscious, ever so delish

Molded in all shapes and sizes

Deliverable in wide varieties.

The thought of you illuminates my face

The sight of you renders me a child again

A child in a candy store, my very own heaven.

Though pretty standard in black and white

The darker you, is the desire of all

Indulged hot or cold, whenever and wherever.

I thought sharing the same complexion,

You would be kinder and nicer to me

Instead, you pander me for few minutes, however short

But live long enough to tell tales on my contours

Either way, I love you, because yours is an impartial love.

Always the closest confidant in dark times

Consistently available to comfort and console

During separate scenarios of heartache.

Those times, you were more ornate

Swirls of rich caramel and exotic pecan formed into ice cream

Ahhh… those nights, I assailed you

Coddling without your consent, without mercy

Yet, you never wavered, never left

Evermore present to please and heal

In only the way you can.

O chocolate, My chocolate

Ever decadent, delicate, sweet and savory

My mouth waters at the thought of you

Even as I just devoured you

I crave you still

O chocolate, My chocolate

You shall be the death of me.

loosing weight when broke

Ever tried loosing weight? Well, I need not tell you how exasperating it is to have to battle with your mind everyday and time. What to eat and what not eat and the unending conversations with yourself about why you need to work out and convincing yourself to workout.

Every day there are countless articles on the web on how to lose weight: Eat This, Not That!, Do This, Not That!, Drink This, Not That!. On Yahoo alone, there are at least two articles on how to lose weight on a daily basis and they are so lucky to have found a devout reader in me. I am constantly clicking away on any article that has the words “weight” and “loss” in the same sentence as heading.

Of all the articles on weight loss I have read, I don’t remember reading any that was particularly suited to someone who wanted to lose weight on a low-budget, or someone who wanted to lose weight but was plain broke.

You see, I was certain this time this year I would have been at least 30 pounds down (I tend to have an overinflated sense of my self motivation sometimes, I know, it’s pathetic), and for a reason. With the many articles I have read and keep reading on loosing weight,I believed I knew all that there was/is to it until my bank account told me “slow down lady before you go homeless”.

When I decided in January I was going to lose weight, I was living at the time with family. So the beginning was easy. I could buy the things that I had read aided in weight loss and “eat right”. It was easy and true to some of those articles it worked. By Mid-February, I had lost 10 pounds. Stepping on the scale and looking down to see that I was 10 pounds lighter was very exhilarating.

Between February and April, I managed to lose another 10. What? I had lost 20 pounds? Impossible! Me of all people, had somehow managed to shed 20 pounds of the mass I was hurling around. Excited is an understatement to how I felt that I did that. I was happy but mostly proud of myself. I rewarded my hard work with a beautiful dress and decided I would use that as my new motivation. What I did not know was that my plans of moving and having my own place would throw a wrench in my weight-loss journey.

In May, I did what I thought was the adult thing to do, have my own place and move from my family. It is very fulfilling to have a place called my own. Living with family was great and I still sleep over there every so often, but there is a certain level of liberty that comes with having a place that is “all your own”.(sure you catch my drift, first time apartment owner).

Anyways, I had no idea about what the effects of me having my place would have on my weight-loss goal. I was completely oblivious to the bills I would have to shoulder at my new place. I am barely ever done paying one month’s bill before the next month’s starts accumulating. I find that I am constantly playing catch-up with my bills and so hardly have any money left over.

The little money I end up having over, wrestles between gas, saving for emergencies and food.And that is how I found out the hard way that, eating ‘green” is expensive and healthy isn’t cheap. I go grocery shopping and stay there for hours not because I don’t know what I want, but because I am trying to reconcile the ongoing war in me about what to buy; scouting for what is cheap yet healthy.

Let just say, my weight-loss journey has suffered some setbacks since I moved into my new place. Now if I had read any articles on how to lose weight on a broke/limited budget, I am sure I would have been down the 30 pounds I had hoped, because I would have known what to buy on my budget that would still allow me lose weight.

I am nanny, and while I am “well” paid (a little over minimum wage), I still find it hard to keep up. A few weeks ago, I had to give up buying “healthy” altogether because my wallet couldn’t handle it. I would love to keep loosing weight and buying whatever it is that will get me there, but more than anything I want to keep that roof over my head with all that I consider a necessity under it like electricity and gas and so on.

So while I find other avenues that my budget can handle to keep loosing, I will stay conscious about what I put in my mouth and working out ( both my school and work schedule make it so hard sometimes to get it in).

Do you have any suggestions for me? I would appreciate any tip from you all, anyone loosing on a tight budget. Meanwhile, hope your today is better than yesterday . Do share. How are you feeling today?

The Depressing Effect of My Scale

It is day 2 into the new year and like every body, I am back in full swing with my work out and decision to lose weight. That means for me to know how much I want to lose, I need to know how much I weigh first.

I got on the scale before my workout and found out that I am at the heaviest weight I have ever been in my entire life, and that feeling sucked. I was aware that after not working out in such a long time, I had definitely gained all the 10 lbs I had managed to lose in a month and a half, but what I didn’t expect was that I would gain it all back and then some.

Immediately I saw that, panic set in and I started wondering how I will get past the first 10 lbs, then to the 60 and then my goal, the 100. I was overcome by all kinds of emotions. I fell to the floor and cried without tears. I asked myself how I got here again, past what my heaviest was in the past to this new record. I felt pity for myself, sorrow, shame and disappointment.

I have let myself down terribly. I thought to myself there is no way I will ever lose this weight. Where do I begin, how do I continue and will I ever get there?. I was almost giving up and then I told myself, it has been almost 2 and half months since I worked out consistently. I didn’t gain it all back overnight, so I would not lose it overnight.

I got up from that floor and went to the mirror. I lifted my shirt and looked at myself for good five minutes. My stomach is the biggest it has ever been and usually, people always complimented me for not having a big belly despite being big. But I looked and my belly wasn’t only big, it was beginning to fall.

So I grabbed my phone and took a couple of pictures. I got dressed and I started my INSANITY workout videos I have had for almost four months now. It was hard but I pushed myself and I finished the first one. I found myself already obsessing over the next few days and I had to tell myself to calm down.

I will take it one day at a time, one goal at a time and hopefully, it gets me to where I want to be By June at least. I just then decided to set small achievable goals first and then move from there. I will try to work out at least once a day following my INSANITY workout. Go for walks at least twice a week and try to lose at least 2 lbs a week. And to lose at least 10 lbs by end of this month.

I hope it is enough to keep me motivated and I hope I meet these tiny goals so I can progress to the next. My breakfast this morningĀ  was a Kefir blueberry smoothie and I have already drank 3 bottles of water. I pray my head stays up and I keep the big picture in mind to motivate me to make better meal choices today.

My head stayed up today and though my meal choices weren’t great, they were better. For lunch, I had a chicken salad sandwich on wheat bread and I had wheat falafel with humus and some veggies for dinner. I drank a lot of water throughout the day and I had 2 apples for snacks. I just had a cup of green tea and I hope and pray tomorrow is better.

I woke up feeling depressed this morning after climbing on the scale and now, I am upbeat and motivated. I was positive all day till I got bad news but I am thankful it did not deter me. I hope it stay that way. How do you feel today? Any new year resolutions? Goodnight folks

Happy New Year

My Invisible Body

I have tried to lose wait since I can remember. I am one of those people who never had a petite figure to begin with, but gradually I got bigger and bigger. I am also one of those born into those families with ‘fat’ genes (I totally do not blame my weight on that) but I know I have used it as an excuse sometimes.

I remember too while in high school, one of my friends always teased me or perhaps predict my future when she said if I didn’t watch myself, I would get bigger and I always told her, there was no way that was ever happening. According to me, as I told her, I was either going to lose weight or keep up my stature. I wish that were true.

Sometimes I feel like my weight snuck up on me. I look at myself in the mirror most times and I wonder when I got here and how I got here. Don’t get me wrong, I am foodie I admit it. I have always had a sweet tooth and my cravings seem to control me at other times that it felt like if I didn’t do anything about it in the moment, I will be impregnated by it. At the same time, I have always been an active person, I always made sure to work out. Now my workouts were not by Olympic standards by any stretch ,neither were they that of the most athletic people. But I tried to work out on the treadmill at least 30 minutes for at least three times a week.

My meals were not/ are not the most health conscious meals but I tried/try my very best and it is my snacks that just seem to mess up my whole efforts. I am not trying to justify my weight neither am I making excuses for not losing it. But every single time I think I am making a step in the right direction, something always messes it up.

I have been to places before where I either knowingly or unknowingly eves dropped on people’s conversations and I would hear about their weights and look at them and wonder ‘ wow, you weigh that little and look that big?” That is because for most of those that I have heard and seen, their weights don’t add up because in most cases, I weigh more than them but I look less heavier than them.

I am also very conscious of my body, so I always try to dress “decent” and not wear any thing that is unflattering to my figure, which always gets people to compliment me on how good I look. Not to sound vain, I am a very confident person myself and each time before I leave home, I look in the mirror and tell myself, ‘girl, you look smashing’.

So I was thinking about all these things two days ago and wondering if they have all made me invisible to my body. How is it that sometimes, I feel like the biggest person in the world which does affect my self-esteem and yet everybody keeps telling me how good I look. Is it that my body became a normal to me that it was now invisible to the point that even I didn’t see that I needed fixing?, in this case weight loss.?

Some people find pleasure sometimes in downing other people everyday not realizing the struggles that said people have to go through with everyday. My body is not invisible because I can’t see it. The compliments people give me are simply because I dress for my body type. But I am sure that like me, many overweight, big and obese people have let their bodies become invisible.

It is not that we don’t look in the mirror ,neither is it that we don’t see ourselves when we look in the mirror. It is simply that some of us have given up that hope that we would ever look like what we did in high school, some of us don’t have the courage enough to go on that journey and some, they have just chosen to not see that body.

Some of us like me, have chosen to not see that body not because it is not there, but because somehow it reminds us or tells us that we are failures. I was thinking just last week, how it is that most of the things I had decided I was going to do this year, I focused on them and did them. Unfortunately, my weight has been the one thing that I keep fighting with and for.

I have chosen to see this body now. With every bad meal choice, bad snack decision and failure to exercise I beat myself up because I am hoping that 2014 is the year when my body comes into full circle, when my body makes a 360 turn. This body is no longer invisible, this weight is no longer invisible, one step at the time and gradually, this body will come into full view.

How are you feeling today?. please share.

 

Day 2 and 3

Yesterday was crazy just like my Thursdays always are. Although I woke up in time for my workout, I woke up feeling sick and therefore couldn’t.I barely had time to plan my meals for the day.

For the morning, I had a green smoothie. I will put up the recipe later.

I had lunch at Jason’s deli, Half turkey breast sandwich with chili soup.

HadĀ  a spicy chicken and yellow rice for dinner.

Not bad right?. well, guess what?. My snacks where terrible. I had two loaves of hallah bread , a tangerine,two fruit bars.

I drank a lot of water which was good.

And that was that for Thursday.

For today:

I have had scrambled eggs with baked potato halves.

Had a cup of coffee and I plan on skipping lunch because I had a late and big breakfast.

I didn’t hear my alarm this morning because the medications I took to help with my flu are sleep-enhancing drugs. I heard it 15 minutes past the time that I set it for but I couldn’t get myself out of sleep because I was so very sleepy.

I am hoping to have a salad for dinner and be conscious about my snack choices today.

How are you feeling and if you trying to lose weight too, what are doing differently today.?

Might be a crappy-like day

On Saturday last week I helped a friend clean out her house, call it winter cleaning and I started sneezing continuously during and after the clean up. I assumed it must have been the dust I came in contact with which caused an allergy,sending me in uncontrollable sneeze mode.

Hours later that night, my sneezing became coupled with a runny nose and I made nothing of it, still assuming it must have been allergy from the dust. The days that followed were accompanied with mild sneezing, a very runny nose and an uncomfortable feeling in my throat and sometimes chest.

But I paid it all no attention still attributing it to the cleaning. I was so wrong. Enter last night when I struggled to get myself to sleep because I had a stuffy nose and raspy throat. I still at that point didn’t think to take any medications to help me. I suffered a high temperature in the middle of the night and needless to tell you my night wasn’t good.

I somehow managed to sleep a little and woke up sick and tired this morning and on top of all that, I have to work. So yep, I am starting my day feeling crappy and I just realized thinking about it that, this is the fourth time I have had this in a less than three-month period.

I had never been a fan of the flu shot because like they say ‘if it ain’t broken, don’t fix it’ but my boss was able to somehow convince me to get it and I did. I regret that decision ever since and what I mean is that I blame these bouts of sickness on it. The year I get a flu shot is the year my body can’t seem to fight the least germs or intruders in my system leaving me vulnerable since.

Some may say I didn’t understand the shot considering it is a weaker version of the flu that injected in my body to help my system build mechanism. So true but so far, it has done the exact opposite since. The first time was understandable as they said it was to be expected shortly after, so was the second. But the third and fourth time makes no sense. I am not talking about having a stomach virus, or headache or just cough and cold. I am talking the whole package and then more with high fevers.

I am taking my medications this morning from the last time, and I hope i feel better by mid-day. I wish I could stay in bed but I have bills to pay and thankfully my boss doesn’t mind because if I am not there, she can’t do her own job effectively.

I hope you are not feeling crappy like me this morning and if you are, feel better soon too and stay warm. Hugs.

How are you feeling today?