Before You Call It Quits


And another one bites the dust.

The tabloids have had their hands full the last few days with celebrity couples calling it quits after being together for a good while. Just last week, news broke of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s seemingly perfect marriage coming apart as they finally admitted they were divorcing after weeks of tabloid speculation. Then just yesterday, Kourtney and Scott of KUWTK fame broke up after nine years.

As usual, the same tabloids are spending time dissecting and nit-picking apart the various reasons that could have led all these couples to call it off. The shock has been especially directed towards Ben and Jennifer; probably because Jen is considered the girl next door who is friendly, down to earth and has a good head on her shoulders (literally).

Well, what they are not taking into the consideration is the fact that these people are first and foremost people like you and me before being celebrities. And so the reasons why the relationship between a plain Jane and Joe did not work are presumably the same reasons why theirs didn’t work out either, but we tend to see theirs as bogus because they are being magnified under public scrutiny.

From a personal perspective, there are several things that factor into a breakup/divorce/separation.I like to think that before two before who were physically madly in love with each other decide to go separate ways, they have tried everything under the sun to make it work to no avail before throwing in the towel. Some factors that could lead to rifts include but are not limited to these:

Often times when people start growing apart, they are asked to reflect on what made them fall in love with each other to begin with and then re-fall in love. But what if you both or one person has grown in the course of the relationship that they don’t find that particular aspect cute anymore? After all, the human race is constantly evolving, implying people change. One partner might be growing while the other is stagnant and that is unhealthy for any relationship as both partners are supposed to be growing together.

Another thing that happens in relationships is when one person checks out without telling the other. Can you imagine being in a relationship and giving your all, yet the other person doesn’t reciprocate? This is usually the case when one partner has lost the excitement, they shut down and get irritated by everything the other person does. Sometimes they do it consciously and sometimes unconsciously. Such relationships become unhealthy and the only solution is to call it quits.

The mind is very tricky specifically when it concerns matters of the heart and during the early stages of a relationship. People get so excited about the butterflies fluttering in their stomachs that they either deliberately ignore signs of incompatibility or turn blind eyes to red flags until they are in too deep. By the time they finally open themselves to their realities, they become cognizant of the fact that they were doomed from the beginning.

And finally, the deal breaker for some maybe a cheating partner. As someone who has dealt with this not once nor twice, I can definitely attest that it drains the self-esteem of the partner cheated on. You can become a shadow of yourself, second-guessing yourself and feeling inadequate to the point of justifying the cheater. Some are strong enough to weather that cheating storm but for others, it is going too far and they can’t stand for it. I personally advocate walking away particularly when you find that your mental health is beginning to take a nose dive.

My point is this, it is becoming increasingly difficult to meet people these days despite the numerous social media platforms in our society, let alone starting a relationship and keeping it all those years. I understand that at some point, you get fed up and cannot take it anymore and the best solution in sight is going your separate ways. But before calling it quits, have you given it your all?Sometimes we are so quick to end things with our current partners because we think the grass is greener on the other side, only to find that the grass is fake when we finally get to that side. Outside of the few reasons I mentioned up there why some relationships crumble, which by the way does not mean they are beyond salvaging, have you done your very best and given it your all before breaking up?

If you are currently in this dilemma, have you tried everything possible? Maybe counseling, therapy? How about talking to someone with insight you trust such as your pastor? Have you communicated your feelings enough to the other person? You would be amazed at how much simple talk can resolve many issues.And if you are already separated, when you look back now, do you feel that all was said and done?

Relationships will forever remain one of humanity’s greatest puzzle as we all work at putting the pieces together. Some with luck and others, not so much. Do share your experiences and opinions; we are here to learn from each other and thank you for stopping by.

Have yourselves a beautiful and bright Wednesday WordPress fam.

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